Your Right to Fight: Stop Being So Nice!

Has anyone ever told you that you have a right to fight back against bullies and bad guys? Have you ever said it to yourself?

Probably not!

Even in the martial arts, most of the people I meet are nice, kind-hearted people who seem uncomfortable with the idea of using violence as a means to secure their safety.

Which is madness!

When nice people refuse to speak up, stand up, or put their fists up when necessary, then the bad guys win.

(For more on this topic, check out this video or keep reading below!)

Your Right to Fight!

So, why do they do it? Why do nice people come together to learn fighting without really ever fighting? Because fighting isn’t nice.

But that just leaves nice even more vulnerable. When the ugliness of a real fight is left unexplored, all those nice, kind-hearted students are either left unprepared for a real fight, or worse, they walk around with a false sense of confidence about what they’ll be able to do in a real fight. Either way, they’re set up for failure.

This failure is rooted in a simple fact: Nice people don’t want to hurt anybody—even when someone is hurting them! I mean, isn’t that the key belief that distinguishes someone who is nice from someone who is not so nice?

Nice people don’t hurt other people. Ever. Under any circumstances.

WRONG!

Nice people absolutely can and should fight. Thinking otherwise only gets nice people into trouble. And martial arts is not the only context where a misguided belief can lead to catastrophic failure. Failure will appear if you–

• Start a business with a belief you don’t deserve to be successful.
• Work hard but fear your friends will resent you if you become too successful.
• Grew up in a humble home, and now feel uncomfortable, or guilty, about making money.
• Join a gym to lose weight but fear people will treat you differently if you change too much.
• Stay in relationships with a belief that the wants and needs of others are more important than your own.

Bottom line— it’s not enough to prepare yourself for the battles in life physically, strategically, and logically…you must also prepare yourself emotionally and spiritually. And that means dragging your deepest, darkest beliefs out into the light where they can be examined.

Start by asking yourself the big questions: Who are you? What do you want out of life? What’s holding you back? What are you willing to fight for? Make no mistake—your beliefs are either working for you or against you. If your beliefs are not in alignment with your desires, you will never be truly happy.

There are two absolutely essential beliefs to being happy. Here they are…

First, you must believe—in your heart and soul—that you are worth fighting for. That you, or a cause you believe in, is worthy of being pursued and defended. That you have the right to succeed. The right to be happy. No one has any more right to what they want than you do.

Second, you must believe—in your heart and soul—that you have the right to do whatever it takes to secure your safety and success. You must pledge to yourself that you will fight for your beliefs and dreams. And fight hard.

Sounds simple enough… but is it? Don’t we all know people who either don’t fight, or won’t fight, or who give up fighting…even when they’re on the edge of succeeding?

Seeing your friends and family surrender their goals is one thing—you can’t control them—but surrendering your own goals without a fight is a tragic mistake.

Here’s something to think about: the only difference between a bad guy and a good guy is the bad guy doesn’t worry about being a good guy!

Bad guys just go after what they want. Bad guys have already decided that it’s okay to rip you off. To dominate your market. To put you out of business. To ignore how you feel. To hurt you.

In short, they believe you don’t matter. Only nice people worry about being nice. Which means you’re not only in shock that bad guys do what they do, but you’re not comfortable fighting back. Which only makes it easier for the bad guy to get what he wants.

It’s sad, but true that nice people don’t want to be rude, make a scene, rock the boat, embarrass anyone, hurt anyone’s feelings, or physically harm someone… even when they are being embarrassed, hurt, and harmed themselves.

Nice people put a limitation on their efforts because they believe pushing too hard, or asking for too much, or being overly aggressive, will turn them into a bad guy. Nice people make a choice to play by a set of “good guy” rules, which only makes it easier for the bad guys to beat them.

Listen up, all you nice people and good guys—if you’re ever going to have a chance against the bad guys out there, that kind of thinking has to stop… and stop now!

I learned the hard way, after years of letting bullies beat me up on the mats, that is was okay to strike back, to defend myself, to set boundaries, to stop making excuses for someone else’s bad behavior, and to stop worrying about being a “nice guy”.

I accepted that fighting was natural. Fighting was noble. In short–

I had a right to fight.

And once I crossed that line, and gave myself a broader range of choices of behavior–to hit or not hit, to hurt or not hurt–I grew as a person. I had more power in every area of my life, because I felt just good being nice as I did when fighting back for a good cause.

And oh, yeah—people stopped hitting me.

Does fighting back against bullies sound childish or immature? Does hitting back mean you’re sinking to the bad guys’ level? Absolutely not! Fighting back means embracing the most primal need you and I have in this world—to survive.

Martial arts gave me a chance to see what happens if you don’t allow yourself to fight back. To take action. To seize control of something that can harm you. What happens? You get hurt. You die. Literally or in spirit.

So, for all you good guys out there, start a revolution in your life by giving yourself the permission to fight for yourself and for your cause. And pledge to fight hard. If that’s a problem for you, get over it!

You have a natural right to survive and thrive. Really, is there any drive more natural than fighting for your life? Isn’t the fight for survival programmed into every cell in your body? Yes! It’s in your DNA. It’s a genetic imperative.

Don’t just take it from me… take it from Thomas Jefferson. He wrote in the Declaration of Independence that all people are “endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights — that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.”

That’s right—you have an unalienable right to life.

Think about a tree. It is programmed on a cellular level to reach for the sun and spreads its roots for water and nutrients. And if a tree is too close to the side of a road, what happens? It gets concrete slammed over its roots to make a sidewalk.

And then what happens? The roots keep growing underneath the sidewalk until it cracks through the concrete. It’s natural. You don’t think the tree is a troublemaker for destroying the sidewalk. It’s only doing what a tree is programmed to do.

Now think about a rabbit, a beaver, or any animal once it’s cornered and threatened. Keep threatening and the animal will attack. It’s natural!

Human beings are the only life forms on earth that doubt their right to fight, debate the right and wrong of fighting back against someone who is hurting them, or feel guilty for fighting for success and happiness.

The truth is that everybody wants pretty much the same things in life: financial independence, good health, comfortable living conditions, loyal friendships… none of those goals make you special. What makes you special is what you are willing to do to achieve them. Your decisions of when, where, and how you fight—or don’t fight—are what define you.

So, how do we make sure we get the most out of our lives? How do we break away from the pack and secure our success even when others are quitting? How do we fend off the bullies who try to knock us down along the way? Here are three steps…

1) Know what you want. What are your priorities? What does your dream life look like? If you don’t know what you want, or what you’re moving towards, it’s no surprise you miss out and fell unfulfilled. Know this—life is going to keep changing whether you want something or not. If you can decide what you want out of life, you’ll not only be better able to steer yourself towards your goals, but you’ll give Fate a chance to meet you halfway.

2) Let everyone know what you want. Being clear with yourself is one thing… being clear with the people around is another. Speak up. Take a stand. Set boundaries. Communicate what you like and what you don’t like. In my experience, most people want to be helpful. When I voice my goals, people step up to help. They actually feel good helping. So, let everybody know what you’re up to and help them feel good helping you feel good!

3) Fight for what you want. There’s work to be done. Obstacles will appear. Some from the outside, some from within. Don’t talk yourself out of fighting for what you want and don’t let anyone else talk you out of fighting, either. When the opposition comes, resist it. Block it. Break it. Slip it. Duck it. Just don’t give up.

Final thought — no matter how you have felt in the past— fearful, unsure, victimized, hopeless, helpless, powerless— you can change it right now.

You can be successful. You can be happy. You can inch closer to living your dream life.

You are not the same person you were last year, yesterday, or even a moment ago. With your next breath, your next thought, you can become as powerful and as happy as you want to be.

I’m not saying you deserve to be happy, or you’re entitled to your dream life, but you do have the right, as Thomas Jefferson stated, to pursue these things. You have the right to fight.

So, speak up, stand up, and put your hands up. It’s time for the good guys to fight back against the bad guys and make this world a better place.

FIGHT!

This article is a summary of the Fight for a Happy Life podcast, “Your Right to Fight.” Listen to the full episode here.