Welcome to Episode #101 of the Fight for a Happy Life podcast, “You Are the Dojo.”
A few years ago, I made a video called, The World Is Your Dojo. The message—that you can learn anywhere, from anyone, at any time—is still a good one. However…
…it’s not the whole story! In fact, I’d say I missed the most important point.
In this episode, I’m going to explain how the lockdowns we experienced during the Covid pandemic not only changed the world, but changed my mind about dojos.
After all, aren’t you a part of this world? So, then it makes sense that you are a dojo, too! The only question is—what kind of dojo are you?
Is your dojo open or closed? Quiet or noisy? Changing or stagnant?
Let’s talk about making sure our dojo is the best it can be and accepting our role as both a student and teacher in the martial arts… and in life.
To LISTEN to “You Are the Dojo,” you can either:
- Play the audio podcast below… or download to your device.
- Subscribe on iTunes or Stitcher or Google Podcasts or Spotify.
Podcast: Play in new window | Download | Embed
Subscribe to Podcast: RSS
To WATCH the video version or READ the transcript, scroll down below.
If you’d like to support this show, share the link with a friend or leave a quick review over on iTunes. Thank you!
Oh—and don’t forget to sign up for free email updates so you can get new shows sent to your inbox the minute they’re released.
Thanks for listening! Keep fighting for a happy life!
You Are the Dojo
Here’s the video. If the player doesn’t work, click this direct link.
As always, if you’d like to keep the conversation going, feel free to leave a comment here or through my Contact Page.
TRANSCRIPT
Howdy, and welcome to episode #101 of Fight for a Happy Life, the show that believes even a little martial arts makes life a whole lot better. My name is Ando and I’m so happy you could drop by.
Today, a correction. Or maybe an update, if you prefer. I made a video a little while ago. It wasn’t a full podcast. It was just a short topic. It was titled The World Is Your Dojo. And in that video, this was the premise…
Every place is a classroom. Every person is a teacher. And every moment is a lesson.
Nice, right? Now, I made that video as a response. It was an answer to all of the students that I have talked to over the years, in person and online, who come up with all of these reasons that they’re not training, that they won’t start training, why martial arts is just not a good fit for them right now.
Top three reasons people don’t train, they would say: not enough time, not enough money, don’t know a good teacher. Next top three reasons, if I had to pick another three: too old, too young, too out of shape, or having some kind of injury that they feel will hold them back.
So, I made this video as a response to that, because to me these weren’t really reasons, they were excuses. I think if you’re a student of martial arts, if you want to be a student of martial arts, you find a way. And let me take another quote from that video, because that’s what egomaniacs do–
What’s your source? Why, it’s me.
So, in that video, if you’ll allow me, I said, if you are a real student of martial arts, a little judgmental there, but I said that–
–if you are a real student of the martial arts, you will learn anywhere, anytime, and from anyone.
You don’t need to be standing in a dojo or a gym. Wherever you are right now, that’s your dojo. Whatever you’re wearing right now, that’s your uniform. Whoever you’re with, that’s your teacher. And whatever you’re doing, that’s your lesson.
Well, there you go. Now, that all sounded great until last year, until COVID. What happened? Well, if the premise was that the world out there, all these places that you can go, is your dojo, well, what happens when that world is closed, when you’re locked down?
The world shrank. Not just for me, but I think for everyone. Personally, not only couldn’t I go to the schools and work with teachers and fellow students, I lost the places where I taught. So that was gone.
At one point in Los Angeles, they also shut down the parks. I had made a ritual of going out to the parks every day and couldn’t do that, off limits. Then there were fires. I’ve talked about this before. So you weren’t even allowed to really go outside because there was so much smoke. And I was living in a very modest, small place, so I was stuck.
There was no world out there. If the world was my dojo, well, the dojo was closed. So cabin fever eventually gave way to the feeling that I was in jail. But that’s because I missed the biggest lesson. That’s what I want to correct today.
Yes, the world is your dojo. That’s still true. But there’s more to it. Because logically, you are part of the world. You occupy a space, do you not? And you are a person, are you not?
Therefore, you are a dojo.
And now I would say, you are the dojo. The greatest dojo, the most important dojo. Not the world out there, the world right here. You.
Let’s break that down. How does that make sense?
Well, dojo is basically what? It’s the place where you study the way, the place where you learn. Common speak, it’s a classroom, a school, a place you learn. Well, where does learning really take place?
Geographically speaking, you drive across town, you go to a school. Is that where you learn? Is that where change takes place? No. The change that occurs is in you.
You are the place where the learning happens. People and places out there are just people and places out there. It’s you that matters.
This was the big lesson that I got from the lockdown. Because the dojo has to be in me, otherwise you really never will learn. I hope that makes sense, because it’s true. You don’t find the way, whatever that way is for you, out there. You have to find it in you.
That might take the form of meditation, of exercising, solo drilling, visualizing, talking to people still on the phone, videos, podcasts, whatever you got. In doing that during the lockdown, I’ve already talked about it, I learned a lot. It was a very fruitful period to be locked down for me, because it really forced me to figure out that I’m the dojo, that I don’t have to go other places. I can do it on my own.
I’m not saying that’s ideal, but because you like the stimulus of other ideas that you get from other people, of course. But again, what good is it if you’re not going to change, if you’re not going to learn, if you’re not getting anything out of it? That’s on you. You are the dojo. So let’s talk about that.
What kind of dojo are you?
Metaphorically, if you drive around town looking at martial arts schools, as soon as you drive by, you get an impression of them. You get an impression of what’s going on inside. There’s an image right away.
The sign, the way the parking lot is structured, stuff in the windows. You get a feeling, right?
So, looking at yourself through that metaphor, is your dojo clean or cluttered? Are you a bright dojo or are you a dark place? Would you say that your dojo is quiet or is it noisy? A lot of stuff going on in your head?
Is the door, so to speak, to your dojo open and welcoming? Or is it closed, a barrier? Is there a window in your dojo so that you can see outside and be influenced and get ideas? Or no windows, is it all cinder blocks?
Is there a mirror in your dojo so that you can see yourself better? So you can take a look at yourself and be honest and say, hmm, that’s what I need to work on. If you’re with me on that metaphor, I hope you’ll think about that.
If you see yourself as a place of learning and then try to make sure that you’re equipped to learn as much as you can, that there are doors and windows and mirrors, that it is clean, that it is quiet, so you can get the lessons you need to get.
Now, here’s the problem…
Like I said, even if you have no excuses, you find the time, you find the money, you find the style you like, you find a great teacher, if you are not prepared to learn, if you are not prepared to change, it doesn’t matter. Doesn’t matter where you go, who you talk to, what you do. Doesn’t matter. You’re stuck in a dark, cluttered, noisy dojo. And I hope that’s not you.
Now, I know this is to be true, not just from my own experience, my own stumbles as a student, but from a teaching point of view. And I’m sure if you reflect, if you’re a teacher on your students or just your fellow classmates, you will see some students having experiences but not learning from them. Am I right?
You see it all the time. Technically speaking, they have left their house and come to a formal dojo. They made the drive. They put on the uniform. They paid the tuition. Now they’re on the mats. They’re sweating. But for whatever reason, they’re having the same experience of failure over and over again, and they’re never changing. They haven’t learned a lesson.
What’s worse is they don’t even recognize their failure as a failure sometimes, whether that’s ego or denial or a fear of change. Whatever it is, they have some issue that’s preventing them from getting better. So they get hit by the same punch. They slip the same way. They get caught in the same arm bar.
For some reason, their game, their skill level just doesn’t change. No change, no learning. That is what I’m terrified of. I don’t want that to occur in this dojo. I don’t want that to occur in your dojo.
So then you have to ask yourself, in your dojo, in you, a place of learning, what is your curriculum? We can talk about the styles and content and drills and curriculum of the schools out there. What did you guys write down? What are your priorities? How do you train? What’s your methodology?
But what about you? What are you willing to change in yourself? In your dojo, in you, what lessons are you willing to learn? Are some things off the table you don’t want to even look at, don’t want to touch? These are important questions.
Now, we talk about being the best student you can be a lot in this podcast. So I’m going to stop that part of this topic right there. I leave it to you to examine yourself as a dojo and really figure out if you are ready to learn and ready to change as much as you think you are. That’s one part of this topic.
I’m going to switch it over to another aspect of this, though. And here it is.
If you’re a dojo– let’s just follow the logic here, because I said if every place you go is a dojo, then where you are is a dojo. And if every person is a teacher, you’re a teacher. Ah, you’re a teacher.
You are a teacher, which means you are a place of learning for other people too. You, your space, your voice, your hands, your movement, your attitudes, your statements, your words. That’s not just an expression of what you’re learning and how you’re changing. It’s also going to be an influence on the people that meet you and that come into your space and hear your voice.
So, what kind of teacher are you?
And you should own this, because you may not think of yourself as a teacher, but we all influence one another, right? And they may never tell you that you’re a teacher or that you influence them or that you change their mind about something. You may not get that right to your face, but you know what I’m talking about. You are influential.
So what kind of teacher are you? This dojo that you have. If someone comes into your dojo, they come into conversation with you. Every interaction you have, this is a lesson that you are putting into the world.
So what kind of teacher are you? What kind of dojo are you running here? I would say the way you spar is the way you live, right? If martial arts is really part of you, then your sparring is just an expression of your personality.
So is your sparring style really rough? Is it really kind of passive? Or do you have that balance in the middle? And now by extension, in every interaction you have with your friends, with strangers, with your family, with business associates, are you kind of rough around the edges?
Are you taking cheap shots? Are you giving up too much space? Are you letting other people push you around? Or have you found that balance in the middle? Are you able to play both roles? Be firm when you need to be firm and let things go when you need to let go.
What about winning? When you spar, you might be the kind of person who wants to just win every time. Every match, every round is a competition. And you’re going for that prize every single time. Well, is that how you act in conversations too? You have a disagreement with someone and you will not let it go until they say you’re right. Of course, they never do, so then you just go away angry or frustrated or you cut off that relationship altogether.
Is that how you roll? Or do you allow people to have their say? Do you let people have their turn? Do you let people share your spotlight? Do you allow people to make mistakes in front of you and to grow and learn the way I would hope people do for you? Or do you punish people for making mistakes in front of you, for saying the wrong thing, for being a little out of control sometimes?
Do you punish them for that or do you point it out to them with patience and understanding and allow them to develop because you’re a teacher, right? If you just punish and berate and criticize everyone that comes into your life, you may not have that many people in your life. Just asking.
Are you the kind of person in your lessons, as a teacher in this world, where it’s your way or the highway? Or can you meet people halfway and help them get to where you want them to go? And if they don’t go your way, can you still be friends? Can you still love them? Accept them?
Do you apologize when you’re wrong? What kind of teacher are you? Do you allow yourself to make mistakes as a teacher? Do you let people see when you’re wrong and then say, you know what, I’m wrong about that? Or you know what, I don’t know. Or you know what, I’m still gonna learn more about this. Let me get back to you.
Do you allow yourself room to develop? Do you forgive yourself for your mistakes? Are you consistent?
These are just questions. This is for your reflection. Any one of these might be a period of crying. They are for me. So play this back until you find one that makes you cry.
Are you consistent in your teaching, in your behavior? Or are you erratic? I’m sad to say I’ve had to cut some people out of my life because they’re erratic and unpredictable, which becomes a cause for anxiety and stress. You never know who you’re going to end up talking to. One day they’re supportive, the next day they’re abusive, and you’re like, what?
Is that how you roll? Is that how you live? Or are you consistent? Have you built up habits that people understand who you are, whatever those choices may be, but are you at least consistent about them? Or are you all over the place, and it just seems like random?
In a recent podcast, #99: You Are a Master, I talked about how everyone is a master of something, not necessarily a martial arts skill, like a kick or a particular headlock, but of an attribute, a character trait, whether that’s patience or humor or creativity, something that you’re just really good at. Do you own that?
As a teacher in this world, do you own and understand that, yes, this is what I’m good at. I accept that, I own it, and I show it. I don’t hide that. I use that tool. Whatever it is that I’m good at, I use it. Everywhere I go.
If you do, then that should lead to a reputation for being good at that. People should know that and be learning from you when you’re patient, when you’re giving, when you’re generous, when you’re forgiving. That teaches them that that’s okay to be like that. And they look at you as a role model.
It’s so important that we understand that. Me too. To own the fact that even people who hate you, they know you. And if you’re behaving in a way, that is real and consistent– Hey, this is who I am– even if they don’t agree with you, you’re in their head that that is an option for living. That they don’t have to always be the way they are. They know that you’re on the opposite end of maybe that spectrum.
So it’s not as if their reality is like, well, everybody’s like this. Everyone’s a selfish jerk. But if you’re not a selfish jerk, and even if they hate you for not being a selfish jerk, at least they know there are people in the world who aren’t selfish jerks. And in that way, you’re in their head, so that at some point they may feel more comfortable changing, because they know they won’t be alone when they are now someone different, behaving in a different way. Just thoughts.
Anyway, the point is, I say all the time that martial arts isn’t or shouldn’t be just something you do. Martial arts is who you are. Maybe it just starts off as part of who you are, but over time it’s who you are.
So that, yes, the way you spar is the way you live. The way you grapple is the way you hold conversations. It is the way you conduct business. They feed each other.
Your strengths are strengths across the board in every area of your life. And hopefully you find with that mirror your weaknesses. So you can polish those things up and fix the cracks and come back as a better version of yourself. That’s the goal.
Well, if it’s true that martial arts is who you are, and I believe it should be, I’m trying my best to live that way, to be a role model of that. That also means that you can learn everywhere, because I just said you can learn everywhere from anyone and you are always here and always you. So, accept that. Own it.
That’s my challenge for you today. Be the best student you can be. Be the best teacher you can be. Be the best dojo you can be. Because you, my friend, are not just a dojo… you are the dojo.
Okay, there you have it. I hope you’ll spend a little time looking into your dojo. If you see something that needs sweeping up, sweep it up. As for me, hey, I’ve got a pie in the oven in case you stop by.
Until next time, smiles up, my friend. Let that smile be your shield and your sword. Keep fighting for a happy life.
