Welcome to Episode #122 of the Fight for a Happy Life podcast, “Yin or Yang: A Tale of Two Black Belts.”
There are many paths to choose from in the martial arts… but how do you know if you’re on the right one? Wait—there’s actually an even bigger question to think about—
Should you be following in someone’s else’s path at all?
Don’t get me wrong—I’ve been blessed to train under several amazing teachers over the years, but the fact is they all believed in different things! One says do this, one says do that.
As a student, it’s been confusing (and frustrating!) to seek advice from teachers I respect, only to receive concepts and tactics that completely contradict one another. I’ll bet that’s happened to you, too!
So, in this episode, let’s see if there’s a greater wisdom hiding behind all of that well-meaning, but conflicting advice. Is it possible we’re not supposed to choose between Yin or Yang? Is it possible to walk a path that reconciles both?
Check it out and let me know what you think!
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Yin or Yang: A Tale of Two Black Belts
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TRANSCRIPT
Howdy, Ando here from Happy Life Martial Arts. Welcome to episode #122 of Fight for a Happy Life, the show that believes even a little martial arts makes life a whole lot better.
Now, last time, episode number 121, the theme was confidence. Self-defense is rooted in self-confidence, that was my claim. But where does confidence come from?
The answer, I say, it should come from you. It shouldn’t come from a teacher. It shouldn’t come from a panel who votes for you. It shouldn’t come from a certificate. It should come from within.
So today, I want to stick to that theme and give you another example of how I’ve come to this way of thinking.
A Tale of Two Black Belts. Let me introduce you to two teachers that I have worked with. They don’t know each other. And I’m not going to share their names because, well, they didn’t ask to be dragged into this.
So let me tell you about these two teachers. I think you’ll be amazed at how many similarities they share. I’m always amazed by it.
First of all, both of these teachers are male. Okay, they’re both smaller gentlemen. They would never be the biggest person in the class. So let’s say they’re both around five foot six. Let’s say they’re always around 130, 135 pounds. No more.
They’re also both about my age, so over 50. So right off the bat, that’s a lot of similarities.
They’re also both good guys. They’re also both intelligent people. They are also both blessed with a good sense of humor.
They’re also lifers. They’ve been training in the martial arts of one kind or another their entire lives. They’re also both grinders. They’re not lazy about it.
They’re in great shape. They work at it. They’re compulsive about it.
They also are teachers of Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu, but that’s not all. They also have instructor level status in multiple arts. They know how to hit and they know how to submit.
Now, they’re also both professionals. I should say that they’re full timers. This isn’t something they used to do in their 20s or 30s. They’re still at it.
So that’s a huge list of similarities. For two guys who have never met, never crossed paths, every time I work with either one of them, I’m always reminded of the other.
The biggest difference between them, yes, there’s a difference, which always strikes me as odd, is that they don’t fight the same at all. And that always blows my mind.
Because I keep thinking, man, you’re just like this other teacher I know, in every way except the reason that I seek you out. The way you fight.
How can that be?
They face the same problems, how to fight and defend themselves against people who are bigger and stronger. They have about the same tools. They have the same experiences. They’ve been on the mats about the same number of hours, let’s say. And yet, they’ve come to completely different solutions.
And that blows my mind.
So at the risk of oversimplifying, let me sum up how they fight in this way. One is Yin and one is Yang. Yin and Yang.
One of them believes in attacking first, taking charge. They believe in getting in your face, coming in hard, creating impact. And I can tell you, when you roll or you spar with them, you know you’re in a fight. Right from the beginning, you know it, you can feel it.
The other one, no. The other one believes in counterattacking. They believe in yielding and flowing. They believe in turning things around. When you spar or you roll with them, you don’t really know you’re in trouble until it’s too late. They’ve been setting a trap for you the whole time.
Completely different.
Now, don’t get me wrong, they’re both well-rounded martial artists, but for sure, if you spar to work with either one of them, I think you’d come to the same conclusions that I have.
Now, I find that really frustrating because if I seek them out as teachers, they’re giving opposite advice, right? I seek smaller teachers. I like working with smaller teachers because to me, that means they must by trial by fire, they have figured out how to deal with larger, stronger attackers, which is the dream, I think, of every martial artist. You want to be outgunned, but still figure out how to survive.
So when I go to either one of them looking for the tricks, the secrets of the martial arts, and to find out that they have different sets of answers, it bothers me. Because that means the answers have to come back from me.
I can’t just take one of their bag of tricks and use it for myself. Because there’s another teacher that I respect that has the complete opposite opinion. Frustrating.
And of course, I’m reducing my entire martial arts career into just these two teachers, but this is true for every teacher I’ve worked with pretty much. Sure there’s things that they have in common, there are some principles that overlap, but overall, my teachers all disagree with one another.
They don’t know each other. They’re all great at what they do, but they give me different advice.
One teacher absolutely believes in forms, in kata. That is the lifeblood of their practice. Other teachers that I respect have zero use for kata, think it’s a waste of time. Why would you ever do that?
Some of the teachers that I respect, not into sparring, don’t like it. Other teachers I respect, absolutely, there’s going to be sparring every time you get with them.
One might be into weights, other teachers not so much, body conditioning. One’s into meditation, visualization, a lot of mental work. Others, no, waste of time, keep moving, use it or lose it.
Some teachers believe in teaching techniques first, and over time you decode the principles behind them. Other teachers say, no, I don’t teach techniques, I will only teach you principles and you’ll have to create your own techniques out of that.
What is going on? How can this be? How can you have such completely opposite opinions and yet still all be really good at what you do?
This reminded me of my experience taking philosophy in college. When I took philosophy in college, I may have talked about this before, at first I was thrilled because the first generation of lessons that I got, the first philosophers that I read, it sounded like they had figured out all the answers to life. So I thought, yay, this is fantastic, I’ve got the answers. Now I know how to live a good life.
Until you read the rebuttals, the next generation of philosophers who came around and said, don’t listen to those guys, here’s an opposite opinion, here’s something completely different. And I thought, oh yeah, you’re right, they were wrong, you guys are right.
And then the next generation of philosophers, and they say, whoa, no, no, don’t listen to either one of those guys, here’s a hybrid of both information sets.
I’m like, what? So at some point, it was the same frustration. One teacher that I respected, being trumped by another teacher I respect, being trumped by another teacher that I respect, until once again, it was put back on me.
This is what I ultimately learned way back in college, and now over and over again in the martial arts. The frustration that you feel when you’re not sure who to listen to should ultimately lead you to freedom.
Frustration should lead to freedom, because you realize you’re free to find your own path.
Since no one agrees on the one right way to do something, that means your way is just as good as theirs. Your experience is just as valid as theirs, as long as you came by it honestly.
So again, all of these great teachers have some things in common. They are all dedicated. They all have a strong work ethic. They all believe in testing what they’re doing.
So I trust all of their information, and each of those teachers, more often than not, now that I’m just reviewing that in my head, they found confidence in themselves in their own way to the point where they don’t really go out looking anymore. They just do what they do, and they do it well, which is its own skill.
That was the point really of not just the last episode, but many episodes of this show, that confidence in what you’re doing, finding your way, your art, your version of martial arts. That is its own skill. That’s the confidence that you need to be effective.
Now I’m bringing this up to you in case you’ve only ever had one teacher or you only trust one teacher. Maybe you’re early in your career or maybe you just stuck with a great teacher right from the beginning and you’re still with them many years later.
It’s very easy in that situation to believe that your teacher’s way is the only way. And that’s where I would just throw up a flag of caution.
As I said, I’ve worked with many teachers who share very different opinions. And today I’m just boiling it down to two specific teachers who you would think would have the same experiences and have reached the same conclusions. But no, it’s Yin and Yang.
Which then becomes confusing because if you, if you’ve only had one teacher and your teacher was Yin, they would tell you, hey, listen to me, as a smaller guy, I can tell you this is how you fight. But if you ran into the other teacher and that’s where you were training, they would say, hey, listen to me, as a smaller guy, I can tell you this is how you fight.
And they’re both right. They both make it work. But it may not fit your personal set of tools or your personality.
So at some point, you have to make it your own. And again, it’s confusing. I’m even confusing myself a little here because if you watch both of these teachers, Yin and Yang, and you watch them grapple, let’s say, you will see both of them get to the same techniques.
They’ll both get a rear naked choke. They will both get the exact same arm bar. But how they got there was completely different. That’s what I’m talking about. The art of fighting.
There’s only so many ways you can punch someone and knock them out or kick them or choke them or break something. So, the end is the same, but the journey was very different for how they got there.
Which brings us to the idea of Bruce Lee, right? Doesn’t it always? When he talks about honestly expressing yourself, what’s he talking about? It’s not just making up moves because again, I think there’s a fixed number of moves. You’re going to end up choking, punching, kicking, breaking, throwing. So, not much difference there.
The honestly expressing yourself doesn’t come in necessarily in which moves you’ve selected, but in how you executed them. Are you just copying someone you saw in a video? Are you just copying your teacher?
That’s where things get tricky. That’s where you’re not an artist. If you’re copying, you are not your own person. And that, I think, is the ultimate challenge. That’s what we need to do.
We have to figure out what really works for us, how to make it work for us. That’s when you become a true, full martial artist. The less you copy and the more you can choose and develop for yourself, the more powerful you will be.
So where do you fall? Where do you fall on the spectrum? Let’s say Yin and Yang, a little reflection for you.
Are you a believer in attacking? Are you a believer in counter-attacking?
Do you believe in mixing it up? What would be your percentage then, if you analyzed your own sparring or rolling?
What percentage of the time are you attacking? What percentage of the time are you setting traps to counter-attack? Do you have a preference?
Do you feel better when you’re on the attack? Or do you feel more clever when you’re letting them fall into traps?
It might be a tricky question, because you’re so into your own head in your own games, you might need an outside opinion.
So I would ask some of your training partners, or your teacher if you haven’t had that kind of talk, to analyze you and say, do I come off to you as Yin or Yang? Am I in your face or am I yielding and letting you come to me?
You might be surprised at what they say about you. Because I can tell you, it’s funny for me, I’ve worked with Yin and I’ve worked with Yang. And again, they don’t know each other. When I’m working with Yang, let’s call him, when I’m working with Yang, he will tell me you need more Yang, you’re too Yin. But when I’m working with Yin, he’ll tell me you need more Yin, you’re too Yang.
Again, that’s where the frustration comes in. Because if I’m trying to copy either one of them, I’m failing in their eyes. If I allow their judgment of my work be my only guiding light, then I’m going to be at odds with my true goal of just being me and doing what I think works best.
So understand that even your teacher will have a bias to what they believe works and what works for them. They’re not trying to harm you. A great teacher, of course, will allow you the freedom to find your own way within whatever they have offered you.
But some teachers may not even realize that they have a bias, which is why sometimes when you go into a martial arts school, you’ll see that there’s a culture that is trickled down from the teacher.
If the teacher is a very hard-nosed, aggressive person, you’ll feel that through a lot of the students there. And in the same way, if you have a school that’s headed by someone who’s very soft and very yielding and flowing, you’ll find that they’ve attracted that type of student and that’s how they perform generally.
But ultimately, you’ve got to be aware of what kind of culture you’re in, figure out how much that fits with your own personal wants and needs, and make some decisions. And if that means you’re at odds sometimes with the culture of your school, so be it.
If that means you have to go seek another school that fits your culture, fits your mindset, so be it. Just don’t forget the same lesson from last episode.
Ultimately, it’s about what works for you.
What satisfies you? Try everything. Be fair.
That’s why I seek out different teachers. Because I’ve realized how much I benefit from seeing different perspectives and experiencing different cultures.
But, as I’ve also remarked in recent episodes, when you get to a certain age, at some point, at some point, you have to make a decision of which path you’re on. Because if you stay in that mode of frustration, where, oh, I’m going to try this for a while. This feels great.
Wait. No, it’s this way to do it. Oh, I’m going to try that for a while.
Wait. This is better. No, wait, that’s better.
Then you’re just chasing. You can’t chase confidence in that way. Confidence comes at some point from saying, this is where I’m standing. This is my spot, and I’m going to make this work now.
So my advice in this Tale of Two Black Belts is to not allow yourself to be two black belts. Don’t carry a division in your thoughts. You should be training for clarity. That means you have to make some choices.
Don’t get caught up with so much respect for other people’s experiences that you devalue your own. Your path is just as valid as anyone else’s, especially if you’re doing the training, if you’re working at it, if you’re honest about it, if you’re reflecting, if you’re looking at your results. I’m going to presume that you do that.
Of course, we’re not all able to turn martial arts into a full-time endeavor. I get that. So you may not be able to train a million different ways and meet a thousand different teachers.
So in that case, I would say, pick what’s working for you. And if that’s Yin, then be Yin. If it’s Yang, then be Yang. And go as deeply into that as you can, as I have seen demonstrated by some teachers that I respect. They have made their choices, and they have gone deep, deep, deep into those choices. And they’re not interested anymore in what other people are doing.
And if that’s your choice, I respect that. But as a closing thought, I would like to point out that in my study of the Yin and Yang, it’s not really Yin and Yang.
Sometimes people talk about the opposites in that way, as separate. It’s Yin over here and, in the middle, Yang over here. But in reality, it’s Yin Yang. There is no and. They are already one.
They are part of the great ultimate, the grand experience of the universe. They are one at the same time. Both the Yin and Yang incorporate the other into them.
So if you are really training to be the best you can be, I would say make it a goal to be Yin Yang. Both simultaneously. Be able to use whatever tool you need to survive, to succeed.
No one’s A game works all the time. Yes, if you are up against people without any training, people who are indecisive, people who aren’t sure what’s happening, what’s going on, and you come in strong with your A game, whatever that is, Yin or Yang, you’re going to have a lot of success because you’re very good at what you’re doing versus someone who’s not very good at anything.
Good. But at the same time, if you’re all Yin, you are vulnerable to Yin. And if you’re all Yang, you are vulnerable to Yin. And I don’t want to be vulnerable.
I don’t want to plant a flag in anybody’s country and say, I’m only here. I want to transcend all of that.
So my advice is to seek balance. Seek combining what seem like opposites and realize that it’s all in service of survival.
I don’t care what you call it or where it comes from. My goal is to live. My goal is to thrive. My goal is to move forward with my dreams. And when possible, to bring the people I care about with me to help them achieve their dreams.
So I don’t care how it’s done. Don’t get caught up too deeply into that. Or I can only do it this way and that’s who I am. No.
Transcend that. Embrace it all and use it all. I think that’s one of the keys to a happy life.
All right, thanks for sticking it out to the end. I hope that gave you something to think about. And if you have a thought you’d like to share, please leave me a comment or send me an email. I’ll tell you, sitting here talking to myself is kind of weird.
Until next time, smiles up, my friend. Let that smile be your shield and your sword. Keep fighting for a happy life.
