#57: Wonder Woman and Superman [Podcast]

Welcome to Episode #57 of the Fight for a Happy Life podcast, “Wonder Woman and Superman.”

What does it take to be a hero in today’s world?

Not an easy question!

Modern culture offers us a wide range of messages… and I’m sick of it! So, join me for a rant that I hope will set the record straight on superheroes once and for all.

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Thanks for listening! Keep fighting for a happy life! 🙂

Wonder Woman and Superman

TRANSCRIPT

Today on Fight for a Happy Life, Wonder Woman and Superman.

Hello, my friend. Welcome back to Fight for a Happy Life, the show that believes a little martial arts makes life a whole lot better. Ando here and thank you for being there. I’m always honored when you make the time to stop by.

It’s really all about time, isn’t it? The older I get, the more I value how I spend my time.

One example that comes to mind—when I was in my 20’s, if I went to see a movie, or rented a movie, or even just caught a movie on TV, I would watch the whole thing. Even if it was lousy, even if I hated it, I would sit there till it was over. For some reason, I felt a commitment to finish what I started. Walking out or turning the channel felt like giving up. But not anymore!

Nowadays, I’m far more careful about what I commit myself to doing. If I sit down to watch a movie, or a new series on Netflix, it had better thrill me right away. If I’m not digging it, I’m out. More than once, I have grabbed my bucket of popcorn and walked out of a theater to go eat in the car.

Time is our most valuable asset, so do not waste it.

Which means, if you made time today to listen to this show, I am honored and grateful. But hey—if you’re not thrilled with what I’m saying, turn it off.

Seriously. I won’t be offended. Quite the opposite. If you find a better way to spend your day, I’d be very proud of you.

All right. Now, what did I want to tell you? Oh, yeah. I’ve been a little grumpy lately. Here’s why…

Back in Episode #1—that was five years ago—I talked about the word “fighting”. An astonishingly large number of people regard the word fighting like the other “F-word”. There is a frustratingly large number of people out there who don’t understand that fighting is just a tool. You can fight for a just cause or an unjust cause.

So, before you judge someone, before you look down on someone for fighting, you have to ask, “What are you fighting for?”

Sadly, tragically, our culture often seems to punish the good guys even when they’re fighting for what’s right.

Over the last five years, I’m afraid the bias against fighting has only gotten worse. Let me tell you why I say that…

In case you didn’t know, I teach Karate to children for a living. I’ve been the Program Director at Dawn Barnes Karate Kids here in L.A. for over 11 years now. And if there is anything more exhilarating or fulfilling than seeing kids learning how to speak up and stand up for themselves, I haven’t found it. Which is why it blows my mind that we don’t have families lined up down the street to sign up for classes.

Where is everybody? I’m not saying they have to sign up where I teach, but why isn’t every kid taking martial arts? Why are there nail salons and coffee shops on every city block but not martial arts schools? It hurts my head and my heart trying to figure that out.

Don’t get me wrong—soccer is cool, basketball is cool… if you get to play. Gymnastics, dance, art, music… I love all of it.

But martial arts is the character-building software, the operating system, for any child, any person, to survive and thrive in this world.

Martial arts should be the first activity kids try out. If I had my way, it would be mandatory in every school. Who doesn’t want their child to develop the skills of communicating their feelings, setting boundaries, and protecting their bodies?

Come on! It’s Life 101. Everyone should take a little martial arts. Man, I wish I was taught what I’m teaching back when I was a kid. But alas, most parents will never sign up their kids for a martial arts class, let alone take one for themselves. And to me, that is proof that there is something very, very wrong with this world.

Thankfully, not everyone is crazy. I have met thousands of children and families whose parents do see the value in martial arts and have at least tried Karate. On the other end of the spectrum, I’ve also met parents who, in my opinion, have no business being parents.

I know that sounds harsh. I’m being a little more judgmental than usual today, but I just gotta get this off my chest. I mean, how can I not be upset about the parents who cancelled their child’s membership in Karate class because their academic school has a rule that none of their students are allowed to take martial arts?

You heard me right. There are schools out there that prohibit children from taking martial arts classes, not just inside the school, but outside of the school.

What? What kind of madness is that? It’s not madness, obviously, it’s ignorance. It’s prejudice. Which is why, in the name of education, I wrote a letter to the principal of one of these schools and invited her to visit our school and observe our classes. I let her know that she wouldn’t be seeing a pack of wild animals tearing each other apart, that she’d be seeing kind children being taught respect, patience, focus, and courage.

But she never came. She didn’t even answer the letter.

In another case, a far more common situation, a mother cancelled her son’s membership because she felt the program was too “aggressive”. Aggressive!

For the record, her son is eight years old, painfully shy, and an easy target for any bully. This young man only took 12 classes. In those 12 classes, as a white belt, he was never required to touch another student or be touched by another student. He was never required to spar or grapple.

Even if he had stayed long enough to earn the privilege to spar or grapple, he would be required to wear safety gear. And even wearing safety gear, he would be limited to light contact—very light contact. And even within a culture of light contact sparring, because we value developing brains, he would not be allowed to hit anyone in the head.

My point is that we take care of our students. Safety is priority number one! As a result, I am proud to tell you that despite having thousands of children train in our program in multiple locations for over 25 years, we have only witnessed a handful of injuries.

No joke—our students have racked up more injuries playing soccer and basketball than practicing Karate. That’s a fact. Yet, here we have another adult who sees a punch and a kick and immediately thinks fighting is always the wrong choice. Another parent who apparently believes that no cause is worth fighting for, not even the safety and self-esteem of their own child.

In my opinion, that’s not just ignorant, it’s irresponsible.

[08:34] As you probably know, there are many schools touting a “zero tolerance” policy when it comes to violence. Now, I’m not stupid. I understand that no principal will ever stand up and tell parents, “Hey—if your child is being bullied, we fully support their right to punch that bully in the face.” But at the same time, any policy that makes a child who fights back in self-defense feel as if they’ve done something wrong is evil.

I can think of no more heinous lesson to teach a child than you are not allowed to protect yourself. You are not valuable enough to ever fight back against abuse.

Look—if you’re an adult and you choose to never raise a hand to anyone, even if you’re being beaten to death, even when people you love are being beaten to death, then so be it. I’ll send flowers to your funeral. But to raise a child to believe that it’s wrong to fight back when their words have failed, when they can’t run away, when no one is there to protect them, that’s—I don’t even know what that is. There’s no word. AGHH!

Let me get this straight—you teach your child to brush their teeth to prevent cavities, but you won’t teach them to raise their hands to prevent punches? You teach your child to eat their vegetables to defend against vitamin deficiency, but you won’t teach them to push and punch to defend against being slammed to the ground and cracking their head open? Your teach them to listen to their elders and respect authority, but you won’t teach them that it’s okay to speak up if those same authority figures hurt them or make them do something that makes them feel uncomfortable?

What is wrong with you?

Hey—I’m an easy-going, live and let live, open-minded, tolerant kind of guy, but on this issue, there’s no way any of that is right. Sending a child into the world unprepared to face the bullies and bad guys is a form of child abuse in and of itself. Zero tolerance makes zero sense.

Yikes! I’m already halfway through the show and I haven’t even played the music yet. Okay. Let me move on from that rant to a question.

My question—where do these prejudices about fighting and martial arts come from? How is our culture being shaped to disempower the good guys?

I’ll bet we can come up with a bunch of answers, but there’s one that’s been on my mind for a while now and with the time I’ve got left, I want to share it with you. So, make some popcorn and let’s spend a few moments talking about the movies.

[11:52] I love movies. I really love superhero movies. I love them so much, that I hate almost every single one of them. That’s because so many of them, particularly nowadays, refuse to let the superhero be super. Instead, they portray superheroes as confused, reluctant, and unhappy. Some are downright miserable.

What’s so heroic about that? Why would I want to watch that?

I mean, I get it—there’s this idea that we want to see superheroes struggling to overcome the same problems that we all face. We want heroes who are relatable. We don’t want to worship gods, we want heroes who are conflicted and troubled.

Well, not me, baby. I hate all of that!

Let’s talk about James Bond, for example. I can’t believe what they did to James Bond. Growing up, James Bond was on my list of favorite heroes. That tuxedo was every bit as cool as a cape. He was smarter than everyone else in the room, he was tougher than everyone else in the room, and he had no problem killing everyone in the room if that’s what the mission called for. He did the work and then celebrated with a tryst, a drink, and a cigarette.

That’s in stark contrast to the more recent James Bond movies. Nowadays, James Bond is a dysfunctional alcoholic with daddy issues.

What happened to the tuxedo? What happened to the wit? What happened to the swagger? What happened to the James Bond who demonstrated clarity, decisiveness, and commitment? Oh, he’s curled up in the corner, dressed like a bum, with 5 o’clock shadow, and a hangover.

I never saw Sean Connery’s James Bond staring at himself in a mirror through teary, bloodshot eyes, wondering, “What’s wrong with me? What am I doing with my life?” No. The old James Bond not only did his job he actually seemed to enjoy his work.

[14:15] Let’s talk about Superman. Growing up, I never saw Superman cry. I was raised on the old 1950’s George Reeves TV show and I never once saw him regret punching a bad guy in the face. On the contrary, usually the show concluded with Superman or Clark Kent wearing a smirk or giving a wink.

Flash-forward to the 1978 Superman movie with Christopher Reeve. Even all those years later, Superman was a pretty chipper guy. Even when the story gets dark and Superman discovers Lois Lane dead in her car, his tears quickly turn to anger, which immediately prompts him to take action.

When the ghost of his father tries to stop him from turning back time to save her life, does he give up or wallow in self-doubt? Not one bit. He is clear-minded, decisive, and committed. That’s what a hero should be.

I mean, if the most powerful people in the world can’t believe in what they’re doing or enjoy their lives enough to smile once in a while, then what hope is there for the rest of us?

Now take a look at the more recent Superman movies, starting in 2013 with Man of Steel. In the reboot, Superman ends up—after hiding from the world for years—battling General Zod. He not only battles him, he kills him, breaking his neck. And then you know what he does? He cries.

Now, let me be clear—I’m not a sociopath. I don’t expect to see Superman crack a joke after killing a bad guy. On the other hand, let me point out that this was no ordinary bad guy. General Zod was literally destroying the entire world. He was intent on killing every man, woman, and child on Earth.

Even if that wasn’t true, the climactic fight scene with Superman destroyed huge areas of the city of Metropolis. They don’t show it, but there’s no way the destruction caused by this out of control madman didn’t kill thousands of innocent citizens.

Still, when Superman finally gets the upper hand, he hesitates. Even as Zod attempts to kill even more innocent citizens, Superman screams, “Don’t do this! Stop! No!”

When he finally—finally!—breaks Zod’s neck, he collapses in tears and is coddled by Lois Lane.

What the [BEEP]? Am I supposed to feel inspired by a hero who feels guilty for doing what clearly needs to be done? A hero who cries for saving the world… for saving the lives of billions of people?

I’m not asking for a smirk or a wink like George Reeves might have done after foiling a bank robbery, but can’t Superman at least be stoic about the killing? He doesn’t have to celebrate death, but he shouldn’t beat himself up for saving the planet, either!

For me, that scene teaches a dangerous lesson. It teaches the audience, particularly children, that not only should you not want to do the right thing, not only should you hesitate to do the right thing, but if you do the right thing, you should feel guilty about it. It should wreck you. It should be so traumatic that you might consider never doing it again.

No one needs a lesson like that.

Now, I know the subject of military parades has been in the headlines lately, and I’m not looking to make any political statements here, but I just find it interesting how after some wars, like World War II, there were celebrations around the world. The victory in Europe and the victory over Japan were a great relief to good people everywhere. The fighting forces of the United States were greeted as heroes for defeating an evil empire. Why? Because the cause was clear and just.

But that is not the case in every war. Oftentimes, our sense of right and wrong, our trust in authority figures, our purpose in the world is so muddy and clouded, that our troops come home to silence or even disdain. When the cause is not clear, fighting feels inappropriate and the sacrifices of life and resources seem unnecessary.

Figuring out when to fight and when to walk away can be a thorny question in the real world. It can be difficult to figure out right and wrong. So, why would I be entertained by a superhero movie that is just as complex and confusing as the real world?

I prefer simplicity. When the entire planet is being destroyed by one guy, and every human life is threatened, it’s a relief! It’s a relief to know exactly who the bad guy is and who the good guy is. It’s a relief to know exactly what’s right and what’s wrong. I cheer because the cause is clear.

[20:13] Which brings us to Wonder Woman. I loved the movie, Wonder Woman. Here was a character who, from childhood, knew her purpose in life. She knew right from wrong. She was willing to fight. She had zero tolerance for excuses and nonsense.

I swear to you, every time I watch that scene where Wonder Woman climbs the ladder out of that trench in No Man’s Land to face the German army alone, I tear up. I actually have that image on my phone so I can boost my confidence when I need it.

To me, that moment is the movie. The trench scene boils down to Diana wanting to fight the bad guys, but being told that she can’t because that’s not what they came to do. She answers, “No, but that’s what I’m going to do.”

Clarity. Decisiveness. Commitment. That’s what I want in a superhero… because that’s what I want from myself.

I don’t go to a superhero movie to see someone like me, I go to see someone better than me. Someone who can inspire the me of today to become a better me of tomorrow. I want a hero who believes in who they are and what they’re doing so that I can believe in who I am and what I’m doing.

In reading about the making of Wonder Woman, I learned that the director, Patty Jenkins, had to fight to keep that trench scene in the movie. The way she tells it, the producers just wanted to hurry up and get Wonder Woman into the next big battle scene, but Jenkins realized that having Diana stand alone to demonstrate her character, her courage, her self-belief, was the whole point of the movie. God bless her for understanding what a superhero movie is all about.

So, if your child wants to watch a superhero movie, then I’m going to recommend the original Superman with Christopher Reeve and Wonder Woman. Actually, if you can dig up the old Superman TV show or the even the old Batman TV show, that’s even better.

Maybe when the kids are a little older, you could throw in some of those Mission Impossible movies, too. The way I see it, Tom Cruise has been making superhero movies his entire career. He usually doesn’t have superpowers the way you would think of them, like flying or super-strength, but he portrays characters like Ethan Hunt as someone who is clear-headed, decisive, and committed. That’s everything I need.

The next time Batman decides to hide from the world and cry in his soup, I hope he’ll let Tom Cruise borrow the cape and cowl… and the cool car. At least I know Tom Cruise will use it. I mean, can you imagine the old Adam West Batman sulking and limping around his mansion wondering what he should do with his life? The old Batman TV show may have been campy, but it featured a real hero.

Okay, before I wrap up the subject of movies, I’d also like to give a shout out to Bruce Lee and Dirty Harry for being old-school archetypes of confidence and competence. I should also throw a couple of honorable mentions over to the Marvel Universe… Iron Man and Captain America have both offered some excellent superhero moments that I can cling to when I feel all hope is lost. I’ll take those guys over Daredevil mumbling in a church about how awful he feels for punching bad guys any day.

How can you be a hero?

[24:17] To be fair, let me say again, life can be confusing. I am the first to admit that subjects like world politics, economic systems, and religion are too overwhelming for someone like me to figure out. Good and evil, right and wrong, these are not always obvious. But that doesn’t mean you don’t know enough to be a role model.

When you see evil, call it evil. When you see good, call it good. Of course, we should all be careful not to let confidence lead to arrogance or self-righteousness lead to intolerance, but if you stand your ground on what you know to be true, when you have zero tolerance for the actions of bullies and bad guys, then you become a real-life superhero.

No matter what you do for a living or where you live, you become a superhero every time you stand up a little straighter and speak your mind instead of staring at the ground hoping that someone else will figure things out and fix the world for you.

Don’t be overwhelmed and hide away. You don’t have to take big, dramatic actions on the world stage to make a difference… just focus on doing what you can when you can. Wherever you find yourself, grab hold of the ladder and climb out of the trench.

In my case, I keep it simple. I practice martial arts. I deal in self-defense. In self-defense, the situation is very clear. There is a good guy and a bad guy. There is right and wrong.

If someone is trying to rape you, murder you, or abuse you or someone you love, then you should be empowered with a superhero’s level of clarity, decisiveness, and commitment to stopping them. And if in the process of defending yourself or someone you love, the bad guy is injured or even killed, I don’t want you to collapse to your knees in a heap, crying about what you did.

I don’t want kids feeling conflicted when they stand up to bullies, either. I don’t want good people anywhere of any age to ever think that fighting is a dirty word…not when you’re fighting for a worthy cause.

When you know something is wrong, I want you to feel relieved that for at least one moment in your life, you know exactly what needs to be done. It doesn’t matter if you win or lose, if you go down swinging, then you are a real-life superhero whether you wear a cape or not.

What else can you do to be a real-life superhero? How about this? The next time you hear about a good person fighting back against abuse in your social circles, or at a school with a zero tolerance policy, make it clear that you support them. Say, “Good for them.” Say, “I would’ve done the same thing.”

Find some way to let that good person know that they are not alone… that other good people are out there.

It can be as simple as an approving nod or a slap on the back, just don’t let heroic actions go unrecognized. It’s hard enough in a culture of reluctant heroes and gray morality to do what’s right without being shunned and isolated for it.

So, let the heroes you meet along your journey know that you have their back. Let them know that you’re willing to stand beside them and fight.

There is no reason why any real-life hero should ever walk off alone into the sunset. Good people should be walking together, side-by-side, into the rising sun.

Whew! It felt good to get that off my chest. If you have something you’d like to get off your chest, shoot me an email or leave a comment over on ‪FightforaHappyLife.com‬‬.

Until next time, smiles up, my friend. Go be a hero. Let your smile be your shield and your sword. Keep fighting for a happy life!