Welcome to the second episode of the Fight for a Happy Life podcast, Win Every Argument.
Do you find yourself arguing with friends and family all the time? Do you avoid arguments at all costs? Do you think arguing is just a huge waste of time?
Like it or not, argument is part of life. Wouldn’t it be great if you could win every argument? Is it even possible?
Building on the ideas in Episode #1, “Are You a Fighter?”, this show not only seeks to make peace with disagreement, it will give you the secrets to win every argument!
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Thanks for listening!
I’m not Alisha: I listened this podcast three times … fully!
I already had the opportunity to practice the good advice I found here.
And I surprised myself having fun listening to the other person who was going nowhere but going up to the end of his argumentation talking about a totally different subject.
Telling him that my concern wasn’t to blame him or the rules but well to make a request blew his mind. At the end of our discussion he gave me the information I needed and an appointment with his boss as I suggested that his boss could give me even more advice and information.
Happy end. Happy end here, in this case.
Now, I have a question for Sensei Ando.
What about argumentation when it comes to corrupted situation?!
I mean, when the opponent gets paid to “bully” you? That opponent doesn’t want the situation to be changed. No possible progress. How would you find a way out?
Hi Ingrid!
So glad you enjoyed this episode! It really is a relief when you can not take every disagreement personally.
When you ask about someone paid to bully you, do you mean like a lawyer in court? Whatever the situation, just speak your peace and move on with your life. If you choose to learn or change after an argument, so be it… but don’t expect that everyone is like you. Paid or not, let them work it out for themselves.
Thanks Sensei Ando for your reply and for the good advice.
My “case” is not about a lawyer!
Your presumption made me laugh!
But, yes, lawyers are known to act like bullies!!!!
N.B.: I studied law at the University of Liege in Belgium … So, I have an even better understanding of some lawyers’ “potential” !
N.B.: I’m NOT a lawyer!
Hi again, Ingrid!
So, you’ve trained in law but are not a lawyer. I guess that makes you an expert in self-defense from lawyers! 🙂
Ha, ha, ha …! You are too much, Sensei Ando!
It’s a good one!
Now to be honest, I have to confess that i met once a lawyer who helped me.
As I wanted to be a witness in favor of a friend, my friend’s lawyer asked me a question … which triggered big worries for me … and later on … I was able to get a bigger picture of what was happening between my friend and I.
And, yes, the language of the lawyer who was an old fox, became very obvious to me: it wasn’t a question, it was a warning! I still love my friend, but from a very far distance.
Not all lawyers are caring that much about people. I have been lucky!
To be fair, as in most professions, there are both good and bad apples. I don’t want to lawyer bash! (Or get sued!) 🙂
Wise move, MASTER Ando!
We do not want lawyers going after us!
We do not want to have anybody on (or behind) our back!!!
Too dangerous.
The best way to escape a Rear Naked Choke is to not get into one! No Joke!!!!
Pun intended!!
No punch intended!!
For those who want to learn about Rear Naked Choke, go to https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x7zQDugW6hA
No master here… just a working stiff. 🙂
Thanks for mentioning Stephan’s video, Ingrid. It’s a good one!
Yes! That video is really a good one. I loved to learn how I can use my weight to try to escape that situation.
Sensei,
I just discovered your podcast not too long and am really enjoying it. Your ability to take budo concepts and make them relatable to everyone is a gift – and your sense of humor really jibes with mine.
This particular episode was really a case of my worlds colliding (in a good way). I’m a karateka, I’m an executive, and my company specializes in civics education and civic engagement: which focuses on teaching, among other things, CIVIL DISCOURSE. Your points about argument (in the best Socratic sense), listening, persuasion and openness to learning/persuasion are exactly what our merry band of civics geeks believe in our core. The “lost art” you describe is exactly what our society needs to grow and thrive, especially nowadays.
I’m looking forward to getting to know you and your podcast better in the weeks ahead. Thanks for what you do!
Osu,
-Bill
Hi Bill!
Very nice to meet you, sir! Thanks for the kind words. If you find something in the podcasts you disagree with, I’ll be happy to argue with you! 🙂
Glad to know you’re out there fighting the good fight! Keep it up!
OSU!
Ando
Hello sir!
Its like i am reading a good book.
Thanks for sharing your precious thougts.
It happens the same as you said when we listen others
Shifa!
So nice to hear from you! Thank you for the comment! Keep smiling! 🙂
Hello Ando,
I really enjoyed your pod cast and think there is lots of wisdom in what you said. I did not really like the title though.
My first thoughts after reading it: “There is no secret technique to win every argument (in the competative way) and also even if there were I wouldnt want to. Because I can be wrong too and I would not learn anything. This sounds stupid. Do I really wanna listen to this?”
Glad I still listened though. But I still think your title is misleading (purposely I guess) but it might discourage some people from listening. The problem is imo the term win, which forces one to think of an argument as a competition or fight. Learn form arguments! might fit the content of your podcast better but might not be as cachy I have to admit.
One further comment about arguments. I think there is not always a point in listening. If someone throws the same not working move at you again and again even after telling them that it is not working nobody wins. Its just a waste of time for both sides.
Same with arguments. If someone is yelling at you or repeating their points or just being very silly without listening to you there is not much to gain for you and imo your best bet is to get out of there politely and quickly. Well that is after answering two questions honestly to yourself: Can I really not learn anything here or do I want leave just because I get emotionally involved? Have I heard enough to make my judgment?
Thanks for reading,
Henning
Hi Henning!
Ha! Sorry about the title. But glad you had an open mind to give it a try! 🙂
I agree–if someone is not listening to you, or repeating the same message over and over, it’s time to move on. Learn what you can and save your time for someone else!
Thanks for the comment! 🙂
Your advice surprised me with it’s abstract thinking combined with applicable value!
I want to offer a counter opinion, engage in argument so I will make a half-hearted request: include thoughts on the physical aspects of martial arts training.
Thanks for the comment, sir! I cover physical aspects in many other podcasts and videos. I hope you’ll find them useful! 🙂
Right on Ando!
Argument in the classical sense is to learn and persuade at the same time. What a timeless lesson. I have to admit, when I ague it is to win; but I’ve learned often times that is a hallow “victory.” Never really moved the needle. Even if my points are solid, I’ve “won” more by by gentleness. And then we both win. Reminds me of a mythical story of a challenge of two gods to remove a mans coat. One blew high winds of bitter cold, but the man just bundled up. The other turned the heat up without the drama-the man removed his coat. Thanks!
What a great point, Rick! You win more by gentleness, indeed.
You may not be able to change someone’s mind on an issue, but you can hopefully maintain a peaceful relationship by always arguing with respect and patience. Opposing ideas shouldn’t make us all enemies!
Thanks for the comment!