As a martial artist, I’ve taken more than a few beatings… and I’m thankful for every single one. Why? Because getting beat up teaches you lessons you can’t learn any other way.

Crazy, but true!

Learning isn’t always easy. Some lessons can only be learned the hard way.

There are no hacks or shortcuts in the martial arts—you have to do the work. And part of the work is getting battered and bruised once in a while.

Of course, if you can learn what I’m going to tell you without taking a beating, good for you! You’re smarter than I am. But for me, these insights could only be learned the hard way.

Believe it or not, the worst beatings I ever took didn’t go down in the dojo or on the street… they took place while playing the “bad guy” during women’s self-defense workshops.

In my late-20s, I spent many weekends wearing a giant foam helmet, elbow pads, knee pads, and not one, but two groin protectors.

I let myself get punched, kicked, elbowed, kneed, stomped, screamed at, and thrown around. Yes, I was a living, breathing, punching bag.

The good news? Through these workshops, countless women faced their fears and explored the depths of their physical and spiritual power. This is a rewarding and inspiring process to behold. (For the record, I get the same feelings when teaching self-defense to men and children.)

The bad news? Brain damage. I know it sounds ridiculous, but for the first 20 years of my martial arts training, nobody ever said a word to me about the dangers of concussions. Or maybe I got hit so hard I don’t remember.

Either way, back in the day, if you got your bell rung during sparring, you were expected to shake it off and keep going. In fact, that would be a teaching point!

No pain, no gain! Get back on the horse! Never give up! KIAI!!

Those are great lessons if you’re fighting for your life on the street, but during regular, everyday training? Stupid!

Today, talk about brain injuries and second-impact syndrome is common. But back then, I thought it was cool to take a beating. I thought I was a warrior. A tough guy. A real man.

As the months passed, however, the Monday following a weekend of getting beat up became Recovery Day. I would sit on the couch with ice packs and a splitting headache, unable to put two thoughts together.

Then it took two days to recover. Then three. Eventually, the whole week was a blur.

After a couple of foggy years, I finally figured it out…

Getting hit in the head is not good for you.

Surprise, surprise.

It’s embarrassing to admit I didn’t know that, but it’s true. It’s also why today, I have a glass jaw. Or glass skull. If I take even one moderate hit to the head or fall a little too hard, I feel it immediately. I also stop!

Well, usually. I’m still a man, after all.

My point in telling you this is not to cry about the past. My point is to let you know that being attacked by palm heels to the face, kicks to the body, knees to the groin, and hammer fists all over my head was worth it!

That’s right! Getting beat up was a gift. In fact, I hope you get beat up, too!

I’m not saying I want you to get hurt. I’m also not saying you should ever be reckless with your body or your brain—that’s self-destructive, not self-defense. But…

Like I talked about in Dealing with Death and Breaking Down in Martial Arts, when you can find ways to safely push your training to the limits of your comfort zone and then a little beyond, the rewards are priceless. There is simply no other way to reveal the profound wisdom of the martial arts without getting beat up.

Let me be more specific…

What I Learned From Getting Beat Up

Here are four powerful lessons I learned from getting beat up that I believe every martial artist should experience.

LESSON #1: Anyone can be scary.

Young or old, short or tall, skinny or heavy, athletic or awkward… once a person makes the decision to fight, anyone can be scary, anyone can hurt you, and yes, anyone can be effective in a self-defense situation.

Sure, we all SAY that. Sure, we all want to BELIEVE that. But when you get beat up, you actually FEEL it.

I felt the power of a skinny teenage girl who flipped the switch from cutesy to killer. I felt the fury of a 60-year-old woman who transformed herself from grandma into Goliath. I felt the relentless drive to survive from the sweet and petite alike.

Now, I don’t want you think I’m engaging in fantasy here. I’m not saying every child can fight off an adult, every teenager can fight off an abductor, or every frail-bodied senior can fight off a young punk. There’s more to self-defense than just taking a stand. But make no mistake…

Anyone can put up a fight. Anyone can fight off an attacker. Anyone can summon up the spirit to survive a life-threatening attack.

Until I took a beating, I didn’t really believe that. My ego and ignorance convinced me that if I ever attacked someone smaller or older, there would be no way for them to stop me. Heck—according to my ego, even other martial artists would barely stand a chance.

But after seeing so many unlikely fighters flip the switch… after watching so many smaller, weaker people permit themselves to fight back… after feeling flurry after flurry of fists and feet fueled by the fires of righteous anger, I knew my ego was wrong.

Every single person had the power to hurt me.

My first thought was, “Good for them! They can really defend themselves!”

My second thought was, “Good for me! I can really defend myself!”

It’s simple logic. If someone smaller can hurt me, I can hurt someone bigger, too. I can flip the switch. I can transform.

So, the big lesson: everyone can be hurt and everyone can be dangerous.

That’s why respect is the foundation of martial arts. I respect the fact you can hurt me, so I don’t want to fight with you. And if you want to fight with me, I’ll teach you to respect the fact that I can hurt you.

We’re all armed, we’re all dangerous. So, be patient and kind to everyone you meet.

LESSON #2: You must protect yourself at all times.

That’s the golden rule in boxing and for good reason—it makes a whole lotta sense. But just because it makes sense doesn’t mean we do it.

The key element of this rule is the phrase “at all times”. Not sometimes, ALL times.

When I first worked as a padded attacker, I would get hit by cheap shots all the time. The fight would be over, but the punches and kicks kept coming. Why?

Because the fight wasn’t over!

From my perspective, the women had done enough. They fought to get back on their feet, I was on the ground, and the group was clapping and cheering. Done deal.

But then, as I caught my breath and rolled over to stand up—

BOOM! Another kick to the face. BOOM! Another hammer to the back of the head.

Keep in mind, I was wearing a giant, padded helmet. My head was the size of a beach ball, so I was an easy target.

Plus, I wasn’t wearing one of the new, high-tech helmets with a clear plastic face shield, I was wearing an old sparring helmet wrapped up in thick layers of foam and duct tape… which was a problem!

Those old helmets only provided a narrow slot for the eyes, which meant I was fighting blind most of the time. I couldn’t see those late kicks and punches coming at all… but boy, could I feel them! Which is why this lesson really stuck with me—

A fight isn’t over when you say it’s over, it’s over when the attacker says it’s over.

Just because you want to walk away doesn’t mean you can walk away. Just because you think violence is to be avoided doesn’t mean you won’t need to resort to violence to save you.

It’s not up to you. If it was up to you, you probably wouldn’t be fighting in the first place! Therefore, the sooner you accept the fact that you’re playing someone else’s game the better.

So, if you’re forced to fight, play the game. Change the game if you can. But by all means, win the game.

Don’t get sucker punched. Don’t get caught off guard. Don’t get cocky.

Protect yourself at all times.

LESSON #3: You don’t always have to hurt someone to win a fight.

A punching bag doesn’t hit back. Either does a living, breathing punching bag.

The job of a padded attacker is to put just enough pressure on students to give them a challenge, but no more. It should feel real, but not be real. The reason is obvious…

A self-defense workshop wouldn’t be very empowering if every time students landed a palm heel strike, the instructor punched them in the face, picked them up, and threw them into a wall!

Keep in mind, for the most part, people attending self-defense workshops have no prior martial arts training whatsoever. Some have never hit another human being in their entire lives. Some have never even played sports.

So, many students need encouragement to lash out. They need to know it’s okay to hit with all their power. They need to hear the rest of the group clapping and cheering them on.

This presents a paradox for the teacher…

On the one hand, you want to see students go for it. You want them to release their inner tigers. You want them to throw wild flurries of fists and feet.

But on the other hand, you know that throwing wild flurries of fists and feet is incredibly dangerous. Not for you—for them!

It’s easy to break a finger. It’s easy to take a bad fall. It’s easy to twist a wrist or knee. It’s easy to crank your neck.

As a teacher, your job is not just to protect yourself, you must protect your students, too!

You must guide their strikes, control their falls, manage distance, be sensitive about where you’re grabbing, and put on just the right amount of pressure.

Not so easy! Especially when the women are beating the crap out of you!

I should also point out that I’m not a big guy, so many times, I was partnered with a woman who was taller and heavier than me. Talk about a challenge!

On one occasion, a group of women was shuttled in from It’s-Not-Professional-to-Say-Where. As the women stepped off the bus, one by one, my stomach dropped. Every single one of them was built like a refrigerator.

I panicked. “They’re gonna kill me! How am I supposed to take them down? Not just take them down, but take them down safely?”

The attack of the Amazons started off as a nightmare, but turned out to be a great training experience. There was no holding back. I had to go after them with full speed and power to give them the challenge they deserved.

And guess what? No one got hurt. In fact, despite all the dangers, injuries were almost unheard of at these self-defense workshops. Here’s why—

Getting beat up taught me how to keep others from beating up themselves.

As I proposed in The Soul of Karate, the highest achievement in martial arts is not the ability to hurt someone, it’s the ability to give yourself the choice of hurting someone. It’s all about control.

If you can gain control over yourself and your attacker, you are empowered to choose your attacker’s fate. If you wish to set an attacker free without injury, you can do so.

When I practiced Aikido, the philosophy and theory promoted the loving protection of all creatures. In a nutshell, you don’t kill someone for no reason and you don’t hurt someone when you don’t have to.

Thankfully, I’ve heard the exact same message in every martial arts style I’ve ever studied. It’s Martial Arts 101.

In Kung Fu circles, you may hear this popular verse:

Learn the ways to preserve rather than destroy. Avoid rather than check. Check rather than hurt. Hurt rather than maim. Maim rather than kill. For all life is precious, nor can any be replaced.

So, when I hear someone talking tough say, “I’d kick his butt,” I like to ask, “But can you defend yourself without kicking his butt?” Not because I’m against hurting an attacker, but because I want the choice.

Winning is one thing. Winning in the manner you choose is another.

Every dojo has students who hurt their practice partners. Remember this—no matter what rank that student is wearing, he or she is a beginner.

Don’t be that student.

LESSON #4: When you’re caught in a storm, become the eye of the storm.

I don’t think anyone is born feeling comfortable with violence. It takes time to not get upset or tense up when you get pushed or punched… or even yelled at!

That’s why a martial artist who doesn’t take a beating once in a while is in for a big surprise when real punches start flying. But the good news is you don’t have to be in a street fight every night to be prepared for violence. Even getting beat up once in a while can set you at ease.

Inside the padded suit, the more beatings I took, the more I found myself feeling comfortable with violence. Compare it to a thunderstorm…

When you’re a baby, thunder and lightning can be frightening. But over time, you don’t mind them at all. They become ordinary and predictable.

That’s how I have grown to view confrontations. When someone approaches with a bad attitude or aggressive behavior, it’s no different than a storm rolling in…

Black clouds… strong wind… thunder and lightning… pouring rain…

Ordinary and predictable.

I don’t worry about rain and I don’t worry about violence.

I don’t stand in open fields and allow myself to get wet and I don’t allow bullies to disrupt my peace of mind.

In short, I learned to ride out the storm. Thanks to getting beat up, I am no longer impressed by anger. I am no longer frightened by fury. I am no longer distressed by being hit.

Placing yourself in the eye of the storm, you can breathe, you can see, you can make a decision, you can commit to a plan of action.

That should be the goal of every martial artist—to perform your best even in the worst of circumstances. To have the capability to commit yourself to being calm as fiercely as you can commit yourself to being angry.

Which brings to mind one of my favorite concepts in martial arts: fudo shin. This Japanese phrase conveys the idea of having an “immovable spirit”.

You can scream, push, call names, punch, kick and my heart will not quicken, my adrenaline will not flow, my eyes will not narrow, and my muscles will not tense.

That’s the idea anyway! It may not be natural or easy to keep your cool under attack, but with training, you will find yourself able to stare into someone’s fury and hold your focus. You can quiet your fears and put yourself into a stronger position physically, emotionally, and psychologically.

How can you accomplish that? For me, there’s only one way—take a beating. Push yourself beyond your capabilities and commit to the experience of supreme and utter failure.

Seek discomfort when you train so you can find comfort in real-life.

So, if you haven’t been beaten up lately, I highly recommend that you approach a couple of training partners you trust and tell them to attack you. Let them punch, choke, kick, and pin you. Just remember…

Don’t underestimate them. Protect yourself at all times. Protect them even as they attack you. Face their fury with an immovable spirit.

Do all that, you may discover the same thing I did…

The secret to not getting beat up is getting beat up.

This article is a summary of the Fight for a Happy Life podcast, Lessons from Getting Beaten Up.