I love teaching. Handing down the martial arts wisdom that was handed down to me to the next generation of enthusiastic, hard-working, dedicated students is a responsibility that I take seriously.
I’d actually call it a sacred duty.
But there’s a huge problem—finding enthusiastic, hard-working, dedicated students is not an easy task!
Most students quit. And students who don’t quit usually hold back. This can lead a teacher to feel frustrated, depressed, and even worthless.
You’ve heard about the proverbial tree that falls in a forest with no one there to hear it? Well, if a teacher shares knowledge with a student who doesn’t listen, doesn’t practice, and doesn’t push to be their best, is that person still a teacher?
If your students aren’t learning, are you still teaching?
If you listened to my interview with my brother, JD Mierzwa, you know he shared the same frustration when training his clients in fitness and fighting.
People pay you to train them, but then hold back! They say they want to change, but then whine about doing the work they’re paying you to make them do!
This is the dark side of teaching. Confronting the fact that most students—yes, I said most!– will never, ever receive everything a teacher wants to give them, even when the students swear they want what the teacher has to offer.
Teachers everywhere wake up in the middle of the night in a cold sweat, plagued by the same questions…
Why don’t they listen?
Why won’t they try harder?
What’s holding them back?
Typically, when it comes to discussions about motivation, the reasons behind lackluster learning and living are:
1) The fear of change
2) The fear of success
Honestly, without those two fears, I don’t think there would be a self-help section at your local bookstore.
But the fears of change and success don’t tell the whole story. I believe there’s another reason students hold back…
IGNORANCE!
Let me tell you how this idea developed…
In the past, when I would see a student giving half-hearted effort in class, I would ask them straight up, “Hey—is that your best?”
The answer was never no. Why? Because no one wants to admit to holding back. But I wouldn’t let them off the hook. I would say, “No, seriously—are you really trying your best?”
At that point, I would get one of three reactions—
Reaction #1: Students would shrug as if they didn’t know. LAZY!
Reaction #2: Students would say yes, that really was their best. LIES!
Reaction #3: Students would just stare at me, as if they didn’t hear the question. LOSERS!
Now, don’t get me wrong—I’m a loving, optimistic guy. It takes a lot for me to give up on a student. But…
When you’re on a mission to change the world one student at a time, and you see a student not trying their best, not taking what’s being given even though they asked for it, and then not even admitting to it… well, that puts gray clouds in my blue sky.
But the story doesn’t end there.
Over the years, my thinking has changed. At first I thought getting older was making me soft. Nah. If anything, getting older is making me harsher and grumpier!
No, what changed my thinking was working with kids. For the last 9 and a half years, I’ve been an instructor at Dawn Barnes Karate Kids and I’ve seen thousands—yes, thousands!—of kids come and go. And here’s what I can tell you about kids…
Kids aren’t afraid of success. Kids aren’t afraid of change.
Yes, they can get spooked if there’s a new teacher or if I show up with a mustache, but they’re not afraid of changing their identity. That’s because they don’t have an identity yet!
Kids aren’t carrying around emotional baggage, or years of resentment, or self-defeating beliefs. That’s adult stuff.
So, when I ask a child, “Are you really trying your best?” and they shrug, say yes, or stare, they’re not being a lazy, lying loser. They truly don’t know what their best is!
How could they? A four-year-old boy doesn’t reflect on his progress or measure results. An eight-year-old girl doesn’t appreciate how much tougher she can be if she commits to practicing harder.
Kids don’t know anything! They don’t know how to learn, they don’t know how to set goals, they don’t know what hard work leads to… they’re completely ignorant about life and about themselves!
So, that got me thinking… if all of these children can be ignorant about what their best looks like and feels like, is it possible that adults can be just as ignorant?
Is it possible that all these grown-ups walking around have been able to make it through their lives without ever being pushed or pushing themselves to their limits?
Is it possible that holding back and being average is a habit developed in early childhood, then becomes hard-wired into adults?
Is it possible for someone to grow up never feeling the thrill of breaking through a limitation, so they now lack the self-knowledge and self-confidence necessary to fight for a happy life?
For the moment, let’s say yes. That’s the optimist in me. I refuse to believe that the majority of students are lazy, lying losers.
Are there a few genuine losers out there? You bet. But I’ve come to believe that most students, of every age and type, are simply ignorant of how much better they can be. I believe they are also ignorant of how to push themselves.
I believe most people have been told to be quiet, sit down, and settle for less so often that they finally stopped speaking up, standing up, or looking up.
Add all this together and you end up with a world full of people leading unexciting, unfulfilling lives. They also lead confused lives.
It’s confusing to be told at the age of 20, 30, or any age, that you can be stronger, faster, smarter, and braver. Once you’ve grown up, you’ve already defined your strengths and weaknesses. You’ve already set your expectations.
How can you be wrong about who you are and what you can do?
If you are wrong about who you are and what you can do, and your teacher—this goofy guy with big ears and a black belt—is right about your capability to be a real-life superhero, what does that say about you?
What have you been doing all these years? Why have you been holding back for so long? Don’t you want to be great? Hey—maybe you are a loser!
No. You’re not. But make no mistake—there are things you don’t know about yourself. And that’s okay! That’s the essence of being a student.
A student is someone who identifies something they don’t know, then seeks a way to learn about it.
The trouble with martial arts and fitness training is that a student thinks they only need to learn how to punch or how to lift weights. But the teacher knows you can’t throw a good punch or make gains in the gym without transforming as a person.
You must make a total mental and spiritual commitment. You must push yourself. You must believe you can be better. You must also believe you’re worth the effort.
This, I think, is why most students don’t try their best…
The student wants to know how to punch and the teacher, instead, shows them how to feel about themselves. The student wants to know how to kick and the teacher tells them what to believe. The student asks to lose 20 pounds and the instructor tells them how to live.
Students don’t see the connection between what they want to receive and what the teacher wants to give.
They don’t see the big picture. They’re ignorant. And if you’re a frustrated teacher who can’t understand why student after student won’t give you 100 percent, you may be ignorant, too.
Ah, yes… the teacher. The other side of the learning equation. We’ve all met our share of ineffective teachers, I’m sure.
Is it possible that most teachers are lazy, lying losers? Or are they just ignorant, too?
As an optimist, I vote for ignorant. I base my vote on the same test I gave to my students. Go up to a teacher and ask them, “Is this your best teaching? No, seriously– are you really trying your best?” and they will give you the same three answers you hear from students: a shrug, a yes, or a stare.
So, if you’re a teacher who’s disappointed in your students, maybe you should ask your students if they’re disappointed in you!
Remember—a black belt in fighting does not come with a black belt in teaching. It’s a separate skill set.
It’s not enough to be knowledgeable, patient, and generous. You must also be clever. You must also be understanding. You must also remember who you were, what you wanted, and what you believed back when you started.
To be a great teacher, you have to work just as hard as you did to become a great student. Actually, you have to work harder because as a student, your journey to black belt was yours and yours alone.
As a student, you only needed to understand yourself. But when you’re a teacher, it is your job to understand everyone. It’s your job to show students how smart, strong, brave, and tough they can be.
It’s your job to challenge their beliefs about themselves. It’s your job to design an endless variety of lessons and drills that reveal not just who they are, but who they can become.
If you do your job right, you will feel the thrill of students shattering their limitations and see the magic of transformation all around you.
Having said all that, let me make the point that no matter how clever and dedicated a teacher may be, making magic is not possible without the commitment of the student. A bad student will never learn, even with a great teacher.
So, if you’re a student, let’s get a couple things straight…
You should know that while it is your teacher’s job to guide, encourage, and inspire you, it is your job to do the work.
It’s your job to want more from your life and be willing to ask more of yourself to get it.
It’s your job to have faith in your teachers when they tell you that you can do better and become greater.
As a student, you should also know that when you try your best, everyone wins. You become a better version of yourself. You bring out the best in your teacher. You also bring out the best in your fellow students.
That’s right. A lazy, lying loser who holds back in class doesn’t just frustrate teachers, they also frustrate and hold back their fellow students. If you don’t give your partner your full attention and full effort, what will they learn?
In martial arts training, if you only give your partners weak attacks, they’ll only learn how to defend against weak attacks. Guess what? No one needs to practice defending against weak attacks!
You owe it to your partner to give them your best so they can discover their best. If you don’t, you’re not just a lazy, lying loser… you’re a cheat!
First, you’re cheating your partner out of a potentially life-changing experience. Second, you’re cheating yourself out of a potentially life-changing experience. Third, you’re cheating your teacher out of the magic of transformation. Last, you’re cheating the world out of people who are leading lives at their best.
So, don’t be a cheat. Push. Push yourself for yourself and push for everyone around you.
In case you think this rant isn’t directed at you, it is! Whatever you think your best is, allow me to suggest it could be better. It’s simple math.
When I compare the number of students I have taught and trained with to the number who have showed up ready to try their best, the odds are good that you will fall into the group who can push harder.
No matter who you are or what you’re learning, I bet you can be better. Me, too! Maybe in the gym, maybe at home, maybe at work… there’s always a part of our life where we can do more and get more.
Still don’t believe me? Okay—here’s a quick test.
When was the last time you cried during or after class? Or felt totally freaked out? That’s nothing to be ashamed of. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve driven home from class a total mess.
If you’re truly committing yourself, that’s bound to happen. Why? Because you hit a limit. And when that happens, you’ll either accept your limitation or break through your limitation.
Either way, you are challenging and redefining what you know about yourself. And that can be overwhelming. I wrote an article about this called, Breaking Down in Martial Arts. The basic idea?
If you’re not crying, you’re not trying.
I don’t just mean tears of pain and sorrow, I also mean tears of joy and triumph. Breaking through boundaries is blissful.
Believe it or not, I see more tears at black belt tests than at any other time on the mats. Why? Because students rise to the occasion and push themselves. Once they push, they’re either surprised by how much is working or how much is not working!
Either way, wouldn’t it be great if they made those discoveries during a regular class and not just on a special occasion? Oh, how I wish that students would view each class as a special occasion. Each day. Each moment.
We should all realize that each moment you are alive is a chance to practice committing yourself to a goal. To push. To go beyond what you think you can do.
The most important and profound part of martial arts training is not the practice of a technique, but the practice of trying your best and developing a habit of total commitment.
Here’s why this is so important—
Let’s say I’m on a plane. And let’s say some idiot stands up to high-jack it. And let’s say all I have to use as a weapon is a can of cranberry juice and a rolled up vomit bag.
Question: Can I still put up a good fight?
Yes. Do I have a chance of saving myself and everyone on the plane? You bet I do.
Now, have I ever practiced fighting with a can? No. Is there a kata for fighting with a vomit bag?
No. But even if I had practiced a can and bag kata, it wouldn’t matter. Every fight is different. Different people, different lighting, different weaponry, different environment, different escape options.
We all know you can’t practice for every situation. But you CAN practice being the best you can be.
You can practice your assessment, your decision-making, your commitment. You can practice making the most of what you have.
That’s why there’s no excuse to miss a training session. If you say you’re sick, you’re injured, you’re tired, you’re not in the mood… so what?
What if you’re attacked when you’re sick, injured, tired, or not in the mood? Hey—I’m 45. I can’t remember the last time I felt 100%! Physically, I mean. Mentally and spiritually, I’m only getting stronger!
Isn’t that the whole point of martial arts training? That no matter what situation you find yourself in, no matter how horrible the circumstances, no matter how heavily the odds are stacked against you, you fight back anyway, willing to die in the name of your cause.
Ronda Rousey, Olympic medalist in Judo and current UFC women’s bantamweight champion, has a great motto, which she credits her mother for instilling in her as a child. She told a young Ronda—
You’re not training to be the best in the world– you’re training to be the best in the world on your worst day.
That’s the spirit! Even on your worst day, you can still try your best. You can still win.
Listen—the clock is ticking, my friend. Are you ready to get out there and get more out of life?
Stop! Don’t answer that! It’s a trick question.
Life doesn’t care if you’re ready. Life doesn’t care if you’re in the mood. Life won’t let you warm up and try your favorite move three times until you get it right. The time is now. So…
Don’t cry about what you don’t have—instead, work with what you’ve got.
Don’t wish you were someone else—instead, unleash 100 percent of you.
Don’t make excuses—instead, make a move.
Those are the secrets to success… and you can practice them any time, any day, any place.
You can push yourself to be your best swinging a golf club, or carrying your groceries into the house, or playing with your kids, or washing the dishes.
That’s why karate is not just a sport—it’s a way of life.
When you spar, commit to it with the spirit of a warrior, then carry that spirit into everything that you do.
Commit to your family with a warrior spirit. Commit to your friends. Commit to your health.
Commit to your career. Commit to your community. Commit to your cause.
That’s the secret to martial arts and leading an exciting, fulfilling life. The realization that every moment is a special occasion. Every moment is a fight for your life. Every moment is a chance to practice trying your best.
So, don’t be a lazy, lying loser. Be a warrior.
Speak up. Stand up. Look up.
Push. Stretch. Reach.
That’s how you learn, grow, and win.
This article is based on Episode #32 of the Fight for a Happy Life podcast. To listen to Lazy Lying Losers, click here.
