The Myth of Women’s Self-Defense

I admit it. I’ve taught seminars billed as “Women’s Self-Defense”. But I’ve never been comfortable with that title. Here’s why—

I have come to believe there should be no distinction between women’s self-defense classes and self-defense classes for men.

None whatsoever. Doing so just over-complicates what is really a very straight-forward goal—preparing good guys to fend off bad guys.

Separating women’s self-defense from men’s self-defense opens the door to all sorts of unnecessary specialized training.

• Self-defense for senior citizens.
• Self-defense for obese people.
• Self-defense for basketball players.
• Self-defense for postal workers.
• Self-defense for Canadian males in their 40’s who don’t eat dairy or meat.

Where does it end?

Adding to the confusion is the fact that women are no more alike than men are all alike.

Is an old woman the same as a young woman? An athletic woman the same as a non-athletic woman? An aggressive woman the same as a passive woman? A clever, confident, cool-headed woman the same as a slow-witted, insecure, and hot-tempered women?

Let’s not kid ourselves—we’re all different!

That’s why it makes more sense to view self-defense simply as a human issue.

More precisely, it’s a living organism issue.

Anything blessed with life seeks to protect itself. The threats to that life are the same—something bigger, stronger, and meaner.

The attack may be personal, it may not. In truth, it doesn’t really matter. Either you’re prepared to fight back or you’re not. Either your techniques work or they don’t.

Despite their efforts, many well-meaning, professional women’s self-defense instructors don’t offer any information that is specialized in any significant sense. You may hear them teach—

Be aware of your surroundings. But that’s good advice for women… and for men.

Be careful whom you choose to trust. Good advice for women… and men.

Set clear boundaries with your voice and body language. Good advice for women… and men.

Look to escape whenever possible. Good advice for women… and men.

If you must fight, stick to simple, gross motor movements directed to vulnerable areas of your attacker. Good advice for women… and men.

Wait… so, tell me again how women’s self-defense is so very different from men’s self-defense?

Let’s clear up a few more women’s self-defense myths.

Women’s Self-Defense Myths

“Men are stronger than women.” Okay—let’s pretend that’s universally true, even though it’s not. (There are women at Cross-Fit who even on a bad day can out-lift me on a good day.) But even if it’s true that all men are stronger than all women, it’s also true that some men are stronger than other men.

In terms of self-defense then, the focus shouldn’t be on whether you’re a man or a woman, the focus should be on the challenges that come with being attacked by someone bigger and stronger.

Fact: I am not a big man. That’s why the tactics and techniques I practice for self-defense are the exact same techniques I teach in a women’s self-defense class. Or any self-defense class!

“A woman’s legs are stronger than her arms, therefore kicking is a better choice than hand techniques.” Guess what? A man’s legs are stronger than his arms, too. But that doesn’t mean I sit down and start kicking every time a bad guy comes near.

“A woman can’t throw a punch like a man.” Fact: Women throw punches exactly the same as men…POORLY. Where did the idea that all men are natural fighters come from anyway? They’re not! Not even close.

More to the point, while it should be obvious a woman with training can most assuredly throw a good punch, why would she? No one—man or woman—should defend themselves from an attacker by bouncing around like a boxer throwing punches. Seeing a women’s self-defense class practice kickboxing or sport techniques always makes me cringe.

“Men attack women differently from how they attack men.” Okay, let’s trust some crime statistics and accept that men tend to grab and control women more often than trying to knock them out as they typically do with other men. So what?

It’s also true that men do strike women and do grab other men. And if the bad guy presents a weapon, does it really matter if you’re a 140 pound woman or a 140 pound man? Jack or Jane, you’re in trouble.

Again—let’s not over-complicate the issue of self-defense. There are only so many ways to move your body efficiently and powerfully. There are only so many ways to injure or unbalance an attacker’s body. Putting those two variables together creates self-defense techniques. Those techniques, for better or worse, are as good as it gets, no matter how big or small you are.

In short, there are no “special techniques” for women.

Instructors who make it seem so are likely:

1) failing their male students by not teaching them the seemingly more effective tactics and techniques they believe will work for women, and…

2) confusing students by teaching more techniques than necessary, which may strip away any confidence they already possessed.

Of course, I understand that a women’s self-defense class may be held simply for the opportunity for women to train together with other women. I understand this makes some women feel more comfortable, especially if they’re new to martial arts. And I have no problem with that… initially.

But I also know the main reason women want to train with other women is a belief that women will be safer training partners. A belief that women will be more sensitive to their feelings. A belief that a sisterly bond will enhance their journey to empowerment.

How sad.

Sad because many men are sensitive, too. Many men want to train with safe partners, too. Many men are willing to welcome women into a group much larger than a sisterhood… a fellowship of the good guys.

So, as martial artists, let’s not present self-defense as a women’s issue, let’s present it as a human issue.

Let’s recognize that self-defense is more than just women versus men, it’s good guys versus bad guys. It’s the strong versus the stronger. It’s the kind-hearted versus the bullies.

Let’s not engage in generalities and stereotypes and, instead, address each student’s needs and capabilities on an individual basis.

Let’s teach the good guys how to fight back no matter who they are, where they come from, how athletic they are, how big they are, or how old they are. Both men and women alike.

For my free, 2-hour Self-Defense Basics video course, for women AND men, click here: Self-Defense Basics Course.