Sucker Punched By Life

The first time I was sucker punched, I was in first grade. It was recess. I was standing in a field of grass.

POW!

Okay, now I’m lying on my back. I’m staring up at the sky. There’s a third grader sitting on my chest. He looks angry. And the only thought in my head is— “What… is… this?”

I never found out why I got sucker punched that day. And to be honest, I’m glad. That made the lesson far more profound. The lesson–

Life is going to knock you down when you least expect it.

It’s not personal. In fact, there’s no reason for it at all. That’s just the way life is.

We all get sucker punched. I don’t care if you’re a millionaire, business guru, employee of the year, hall of famer, whatever… everybody gets caught off-guard. You’re looking one way and POW you get hit from another direction.

Your stocks crash. You’re diagnosed with a disease. You break your arm. Your friend betrays you. You’re targeted for a crime.

It’s not always so dramatic, of course. Sometimes you only get sucker pushed, sucker pulled, or sucker tapped. But there’s always something to keep you from ever feeling completely comfortable. And truth be told, there’s no way to fix that!

So, the question isn’t how to stop getting sucker punched, the question is how to get better at bouncing back? And the answer to that is easy–

Step 1: Get centered.
Step 2: Stay centered.

By “centered,” I don’t mean some woo-woo, mystical state. I mean keeping a focused mindset. A mindset of control. A mindset where you are able to breathe… assess… make a decision… and take action. That’s the ideal flow for bouncing back.

When you stress out, your awareness suffers. You see less, you hear less, and you think less clearly. But when you maintain a calm, optimistic mindset, even in a bad situation, you will see more, sense more, be a better problem-solver, and give yourself more options.

Never let a tense situation create tension in you. Being tense is one step away from being frozen. And being frozen is one step away from being dead.

When I was sucker punched in the first grade, I wound up on the ground… frozen. But now I’m a black belt. Many people think that means I am never afraid, never get caught off-guard, or– if there’s a fight– never get hit. Nonsense!

Black belts still get scared, still get caught off-guard, and still get hit. The same goes for Army Rangers, mercenaries, cops, and any other tough guys you want to throw into the mix. Anyone who claims they’re never afraid, or never gets caught off-guard, or can’t be hit, is either a liar or a sociopath. Or worst of all– a lying sociopath.

But here’s the difference between a genuine tough guy and everyone else— if a genuine tough guy gets sucker punched, there’s a good chance he’ll hit back. And the tougher he is, the faster that punch will come flying. It’s not magic.

The tough guy still feels the shock and stress of being sucker punched, but he will regain his center and bounce back faster than someone who has never been punched before.

The same is true when you compare a beginner to an expert in any field. The first time you do something, it’s difficult. The first time you have a child, start a business, drive a car, make a cake, get sued… all difficult. You don’t know what to expect. You don’t know the rules. You don’t know how to play the game.

But if you’re smart, the more you play, the better you get. That’s where age and experience can become advantages.

FACT: Life will always be trickier than you. No matter how much you prepare for disaster, life will always find a way to sneak up on you and smack you in the head. All we can do to maximize our success and happiness is to keep practicing how to manage stress, keep our cool, and bounce back as quickly as possible.

Start right now. Challenge yourself to stay centered all day, every day. Focus on the small things that bug you first. Remember this thought from “Are You a Fighter” : If you can’t control yourself when the consequences don’t really matter, how do you expect to control yourself in a crisis?

So, master the small things. Don’t let traffic jams, office gossip, and long lines at the supermarket keep you from staying centered. That’s the best way to wire yourself to bounce back from being sucker punched when the stakes get higher.

It’s also a good idea to figure out what being balanced and focused actually feels like. We need a baseline so we’ll know when we’re falling off-center. Maybe you only need a minute of deep breathing to remind yourself what being balanced feels like, or an hour of yoga, or making a cup of coffee, or singing a favorite song.

Whatever it takes, make the time to feel your full power.

Once you know what full power feels like, it’s time to move into the day. As you head out the door, imagine you’re pushing off in a canoe, heading down a river. You know you’ll be facing currents… and rapids… and rocks… and rain… and other canoes.

Even worse, maybe your canoe has leaks in it, or your paddle is warped… it’s okay. Just stay focused on staying afloat and paddling in the direction you want to go.

Don’t let the rapids flip you over. Don’t let the currents change your course. Keep paddling!

Instead of feeling beaten down when you get sucker punched, get excited you have a chance to practice being balanced! Pretend you’re playing the greatest game ever invented—Keep Your Cool.

Every time you keep your cool, give yourself a point. No one even has to know you’re playing. Just smile to yourself and win all day long.

Be the world champion at Keep Your Cool!

And never forget this difficult truth– your greatest foe isn’t other people or a cruel twist of fate, it’s your own emotions.

Getting sucker punched may knock you off-center, but it’s your emotional reactions that will keep you from recovering and getting back in the game.

Being angry, sad, scared– even being in love!— can lead you into making decisions you regret. Or freezing and making no decisions. It’s not that emotions are evil and need to be eliminated, it’s just a matter of recognizing when they pull you off-center and admitting your judgment may be skewed.

When you can keep your cool and stay balanced, it’s so much easier to see things as they really are, which means making smarter decisions. It doesn’t mean you’ll always make the right decisions, but you’ll make the best decisions possible.

Of course, it’s impossible to see everything that might trip you up, so cut yourself some slack. You will always have a blind spot. You are always at risk of being sucker punched.

But don’t let that turn you into a paranoid whack-job. Save your energy for what life actually throws at you, not what you imagine it’s going to throw at you.

Here’s my favorite way to practice staying balanced. Some people will thinks it’s dumb, but I’m going to tell you anyway…

The next time something scares you, or makes you furious, or causes you pain, try to stand on one foot. Try to keep your balance, literally. That may sound silly, but it works.

In the same way a balanced mind can lead to a balanced body, a balanced body can lead to a balanced mind. Yoga and martial arts are built on this concept. And no, you don’t have to lift your leg up in the air like the Karate Kid. Just shift your weight to one foot. No one will even notice you’re in a fierce battle to control your mind.

And be warned–if you lose the battle, you are courting danger.

In the martial arts, students often lose control when they take a hit sparring or get pinned on the ground. More than once, I have gotten angry and lashed out with wild punches or wanted to give up and cry because I felt so helpless. Either way, I was putting myself at risk. Why?

Because in a fight, if I get angry and start throwing wild punches around– or start crying!– it becomes easier for the other guy to hit me back.

Consider that one more reason to stay centered when you get sucker punched. Losing control not only limits my awareness and sucks me into making bad decisions, it also makes it easier for people to take advantage of me.

Criminals are experts in using your emotions against you.

That’s why they make threats and show you weapons— to cause fear and panic. To make you freeze. And what do con men use for a weapon? Confidence! A “confidence man” counts on you to trust him, or even love him, so that you’ll feel comfortable letting your guard down. Once you do, he takes what he wants. And you never see it coming.

WHAM! The art of the sucker punch.

To be fair, getting sucker punched isn’t all bad. If you’re honest with yourself, a sucker punch can be a great test of your true character. Ask yourself–

What happens when things don’t go my way? What happens when I’m thrown out of my comfort zone? When I lose money? Or someone lies about me? Or my big idea doesn’t work out?

Consider this–

The real you is the person who shows up after you get sucker punched, not the person who walks around when everything is going great.

Think about how many times you hear someone say, “I shouldn’t have said that, but I was really stressed out.” Or “Yeah, I was pretty harsh, but they started it.”

It’s shocking how often people blame life and other people for their bad behavior. It’s more shocking how many times we fall for it!

• “It’s not his fault… he doesn’t have any money.”
• “They just lost their house.””
• “He’s really sick.”
• “She’s been out of work for a while.”
• “Her boyfriend is under a lot of pressure.”

Hey— we’re ALL under a lot of pressure! We ALL get knocked down!

Own up to who you really are, and who the people around you really are, and stop making excuses for bad behavior.

Instead, get to work on managing your stress and staying balanced. That’s the secret to thinking more clearly, making better decisions, and bouncing back faster when you get sucker punched.

Of course, we’re emotional creatures, so it’s unfair to beat ourselves up for losing control once in a while. We shouldn’t hold ourselves back from living with passion, either. Just remember–don’t let your emotions cause you to freeze up or take you down roads you don’t want to go.

If you’re wise, you’ll strive to enjoy the game even while you’re learning to play it. Learn to laugh when you take a tumble. Laugh when everything you thought you knew turns out to be wrong. Laugh as you fight to keep your balance while life pokes and jabs at you.

If you can laugh and keep your cool, rain or shine, when you’re sucker punched by life, you won’t find yourself looking up at the sky wondering, “What is this?” You’ll already be back on your feet, ready for the next round.

This article is a summary of the Fight for a Happy Life podcast, “Sucker Punched By Life.” Listen to the full episode here.