A Ridiculous Reason to Skip Class in Martial Arts

Last week, I set off for Brazilian Jiu Jitsu class… and almost immediately turned around.

Did I suddenly lose interest in BJJ? No.

Did I suddenly become lazy? No.

Did I suddenly decide to volunteer at the nearest Children’s Hospital? No… but maybe I should.

The reason I wanted to turn around was simple—

I wasn’t in the mood to lose.

I knew that the bigger, stronger guys were going be there, and I didn’t want to be the smallest, slowest, and weakest person in class.

That sounds ridiculous to admit, but that’s honestly how I felt. Of course, I had my reasons…

I was running on four hours of sleep. I hadn’t eaten all day. My knee was tweaked.

In short, I was not at my best. And because of that…

I didn’t want to face that white belt who outweighs me by 80 pounds.

I didn’t want to deal with that 20-year-old who always comes at me like there’s a world championship on the line.

I didn’t want to get tossed by that brown belt who enjoys grinding my face into the mat.

(Okay, we all enjoy grinding someone’s face into the mat, but he enjoys it a little too much.)

The point is, as I pictured myself struggling all night, I heard my inner voice say, “You’re not good enough. You can’t keep up. Turn around and save yourself!”

Ever feel like that?

Ever find yourself skipping class because you don’t feel like getting hit or tapping out? Ever turn around because you didn’t feel at your best? Or even worse—

Have you ever quit on a goal because you felt that even when you’re at your best, you’re still not good enough?

That thought is a dream killer.

Believing that we’re not big enough, fast enough, strong enough, or tough enough doesn’t just hold us back on the mats, it holds us back in every area of life.

Look, I get it—there are giants and monsters walking around out there! It’s completely natural to want to run home and hide under a pillow so you don’t get stepped on.

But before you do, let me give you a little advice. Because even though I wanted to turn around and go home, I didn’t. I went to class.

In fact, by the time I got to class, I was pumped! Even though I was tired, hungry, and limping, I was ready to take on anybody and everybody.

How did I turn my attitude around instead of turning around the car?

I changed my goals.

When I thought about turning my car around, I was thinking like a young barbarian. I wanted to flex my muscles and conquer the younger, bigger, and stronger students.

Ridiculous! There is no such thing as a tired, hungry, limping, 45-year-old barbarian!

I forgot that I wasn’t training to be bigger, faster, and stronger than everyone… I was training to be smarter! And to be smarter, I need to work with partners who are bigger, faster, and stronger. In fact, the bigger, the better!

Once I remembered that, I hit the gas and thought, “Man—I hope the biggest, fastest, strongest, meanest dudes in the world show up tonight.”

Like I wrote in Martial Arts Are For Smart People, the martial arts weren’t developed to teach big people how to defeat little people… they were developed to teach little people how to defeat big people.

So, what sense does it make for me to drive to class hoping everyone will be smaller, slower, and weaker than I am? That is not a worthy goal.

What is a worthy goal?

When it comes to martial arts training, your goal should be to look for the techniques and tactics that work even when you’re tired, injured, or not in the mood.

You should be on the hunt for the tricks that help you survive even when the other guy is bigger, faster, and stronger.

Do I still want to exercise and be as fast and strong as possible?

Yes! But when it comes to my art, I should be focusing more on strategy, less on strength. I should be seeking tactics, not speed. I should be experimenting with new ways to set up old movements, instead of collecting new movements.

If you read a book like The Art of War, you’ll notice that it doesn’t instruct you to do push ups, squats, and spear thrusts. It’s not a workout book… it’s a book of tactics.

Your army may be large and powerful, but if you don’t know how to lead it, you will be defeated in battle. So, learn how to lead your army. Work on your mental capabilities.

When a beginner in martial arts gets hit or pinned, they think it’s because everyone else is faster and stronger. Or because the other guy knows more moves.

So, what do they do? They set goals to be faster and stronger. They ask to learn more moves.

The beginner sets goals that are physical, technical, and mechanical.

But that’s only because their view is limited. They aren’t able to see the other skills at play.

Beginners don’t see strategy. They don’t see awareness. They don’t see sensitivity. They don’t see decisiveness. Those qualities are the domain of advanced students.

The advanced student sets goals that are mental, emotional, and spiritual.

Think about it this way—a black belt can throw a front kick. So can a yellow belt. If a black belt and yellow belt spar, the winner is not just determined by who can throw the kick faster and stronger. The winner will be the person who throws it at the right time.

A beginner buys tools. A master knows how to use them.

If you want to win, then you should be thinking about timing, disguising, combining, and surprising. That’s the master’s game. Train to fight like an old, wise man, not a young barbarian.

Here’s how you’ll know you’re on the right track—when your classmates get frustrated working out with you. Not because you hurt them, or because you’re crazy, but because you always seem to come out on top. They’re never really able to pin you down or land a clean shot.

Their biggest frustration? They don’t know why!

You’re smaller, slower, and weaker but somehow you’re able to keep them at bay.

Is it sorcery? Do you possess Black Belt Magic?

Yes! You should be well-versed in the dark arts of Black Belt Magic. Here’s how to get it…

How to Attain Black Belt Magic

The formula to attain Black Belt Magic is a simple three-step process…

Step 1) Give up the wrong goals.

If your goal is to be as fast as an 18-year-old, give up!

If your goal is to be as strong as some 25-year-old weightlifter who outweighs you by 100 pounds, give up!

If your goal is to stand to-to-toe with someone a head taller than you and trade punches, give up!

Free yourself from the beginner’s mentality and focus on fighting smarter, not harder.

Remember—failing doesn’t make you a failure if you never had a chance to succeed in the first place. You can only be a failure if you fail on a goal that you had a chance at accomplishing.

Step 2) Set the right goals.

If your goal is to figure out a new set-up for your favorite move, don’t give up!

If your goal is to keep calm and alert under pressure, don’t give up!

If your goal is to make decisions and take action sooner, don’t give up!

The best way to reach a goal is to set the right goal in the first place.

How do I know for sure if I’m picking the right goal? I know when I actually want to work out with a bigger, stronger training partner!

Step 3) Experiment.

Give yourself permission to fail as you run experiment after experiment in the name of figuring out how to make your art work for you. The dojo is your laboratory. Mix, stir, drink and see what happens.

Don’t get sucked into arguments about which art is the most effective, or which techniques have the highest percentage of success—like life, martial arts is a personal journey.

The question is not which art is the most effective, it’s which pieces of your art are the most effective for you? Which tactics have the highest percentage of success for you?

This is martial arts, not martial robotics. You are a person, not a machine.

And that’s it! That’s the formula for success if you’re on a quest to be your best.

But wait! There’s more!

Here’s a bonus tip… when you’re not casting your own spells, watch your classmates. But don’t look for flash!

Don’t stare in amazement at the monster who can knock down everyone in class. You won’t learn anything from the monster. Instead, watch the smaller, slower, and weaker students. Pay attention to the moments when they find an opening or gain an advantage.

How did they do that? What are they doing? How are they surviving?

I bet you’ll find out the same thing I did—

The best teachers are usually not the biggest and strongest people in the room. The best teachers are the smaller, slower, and weaker students. The ones who have quietly stuck it out, year after year, and slowly but surely have learned to tame the monsters.

You have to look carefully because they won’t catch your eye with a flashy move or an impressive show of strength. Their methods are subtle. Almost invisible. That’s why beginners don’t see them!

For more on surviving bigger, stronger opponents, check out, Sting Like a Bee: Tips for the Little Guy.

Beginners see the monster, then want to be the monster. But no matter how hard they work, they can’t do it. When they feel that frustration, they turn the car around and go home.

But not you! You can avoid the monster trap. Remember, you’re a martial artist.

Don’t train to be a monster… train to beat the monster.

So, if you’re a student who’s felt frustrated because you can’t keep up, get back in there.

If you’re a teacher who stopped practicing with their students out of fear of getting overpowered by the new generation, you get back in there, too.

If you’re someone who has never started training because you think it’s only for strong, young people, get in there. Believe it or not, the martial arts were developed just for you.

When you focus on being smarter and tougher on the mats, you’ll always enter the dojo as a student, instead of an athlete. When you focus on being smarter and tougher in life, you’ll always enter situations as a fighter, instead of a victim.

Now apply this thinking to all parts of your life.

Think about the goals you’ve set for yourself within your family, your career, your income, your appearance, your happiness. Are you frustrating yourself by endlessly chasing the immature goals of a beginner?

That’s not an easy question. To make matters worse, your answers today may not be the same as your answers tomorrow. And they shouldn’t be!

If you’re learning and growing, your perspective will change. And as your perspective changes, your goals should change along with it.

So, be careful in picking goals for yourself. If you ask for too much, you’ll feel overwhelmed and give up. If you set the wrong goals, you’ll quit and believe you’re a loser.

Don’t be ridiculous! You’re not a loser.

Believe me—set the right goals and you’ll never give up again.

Even on your worst day, you can still win.

This article is a summary of Fight for a Happy Life podcast episode #33, Smaller Slower Weaker.