#74: Inspiration and Motivation [Video + Podcast]

Welcome to Episode #74 of the Fight for a Happy Life podcast, “Inspiration and Motivation.”

Do your friends talk about getting into shape? Starting a business? Writing a book?

Tell them to give up!

Don’t worry—you’re still a good person. But you should know that there’s a right time to help and a wrong time to help. In this episode, I’ll tell you the difference.

Really, this advice won’t only help you save time and energy, it may spare you from heartbreak, so let’s get into it!

To LISTEN to “Inspiration and Motivation,” you can either:

• Play the show below. Or download to your device.
  
• Subscribe on iTunes or Stitcher or Google Podcasts or Spotify.
  

Podcast: Play in new window | Download | Embed

Subscribe to Podcast: RSS

To WATCH the video version or READ the transcript, scroll down below.

If you’d like to support this show, share the link with a friend or leave a quick review over on iTunes. Thank you!

Oh—and don’t forget to sign up for free email updates so you can get new shows sent to your inbox the minute they’re released.

Thanks for listening! Keep fighting for a happy life!

Inspiration and Motivation

Here’s the video! If it won’t play, try this direct link.

TRANSCRIPT

All right, welcome to episode #74 of Fight for a Happy Life, the show that believes even a little martial arts makes life a whole lot better. My name is Ando. I will be your host and your guest in this episode.

And what are we talking about today? Well, seven years ago, that’s when I started my website, one of the first articles I wrote was called, Motivation is a Waste of Time. Now, of course, there weren’t many people looking at my website back then, so most people didn’t hear that advice. But I still believe in it very strongly. So I thought I would come on today and say it right to your face.

If you can hang out a little while, I think this advice might save you some time, some energy, and maybe even spare you some heartache. So let’s get to it.

Let’s talk about motivation. I get emails and comments all the time. I mean daily from people who say something like, I’ve always loved martial arts, but I haven’t practiced in 20 years. Or I’ve always wanted to do martial arts my whole life, but I haven’t signed up for a class and I’m 60.

Or Gee, I really want to lose weight, but it’s really hard to get off the couch. Or Gosh, I’m really tired, so I haven’t been to class lately. Or Gee, I don’t have money. I don’t have enough time. I don’t know where to go. And then they ask me for the advice to tell them what to do, to get them going.

Now, I know this is going to sound harsh. Wait– let me back up to say I have a 7-Day Challenge on my website. 7 days. It only takes about 5 minutes a day. And I even get emails from people who will write me after day 2 or 3 and say, Hey, I started your 7-Day Challenge. I got to day 2 and I just haven’t found the time to keep going. Can you give me some advice?

Now, this is going to sound harsh, perhaps. But I’d hope that you’ll think that it’s actually wise. I tell all of these people the same thing. I always have and I always will. I tell them to give up. I tell them that it’s not my job to give you a reason to change your life for the better.

You really can’t think of a reason to be healthy? You can’t think of a reason to become more empowered? You can’t think of a reason to be a better person in your family’s life, in your friends’ life, in your community’s life?

If you don’t see the value in working out or taking martial arts, if you haven’t found enough inspiration to take you to the next step of being motivated to go get the information you need, I can’t help you.

Does that sound harsh?

Now, this was something I learned the hard way, of course, like most things. When I started martial arts, it changed my life. I was a very excited new student. I was like, Wow, I’m getting a workout. I’m challenged. My character is changing for the better. It’s fun. I just thought it was one-stop shopping for a type-A personality like me. It was just helping me out to be more successful in every part of my life.

So of course, I became an evangelist. I went around to my family, my friends, anybody who would listen to me for a second and say, Hey, you got to take martial arts. Come with me to class or go sign up for a class someplace else, but you got to get into martial arts.

People would say all the typical things. Yeah, I really should. Or, Yeah, maybe next week. Oh yeah, I’ll just save up a little bit of money. Yeah, I’ll see you there.

In the years, those early years, I think I only succeeded in getting two people to class and they only stayed for a couple of months each. But that’s out of, I’m going to say a hundred people more. It was really a big waste of my time and my energy.

Now this is important because as you get older, that time and energy and your enthusiasm is a very privileged resource. This is something that I feel I can only share with the people who deserve it. And I found out early on like, Wow, I’m losing my voice trying to give people pep talks. And of course, I’m talking about more than just martial arts.

I’m sure you are in the same situation all the time, right? You’re a nice person, aren’t you? So you have a friend who says, I really want to write a book. I want to start a business. I want to move to a new town and find a new job.

Great. Whatever it is. And what do you do? Yeah, that’s a great idea. Maybe you buy them a book or you send them some links. You do some research for them. You throw all kinds of information at them, trying to support them and encourage them.

But how many times do your friends or your family who told you that they want to do something, and who you helped, follow through on it? It’s not that common, is it?

And then how do you feel? You’re the one who actually starts to feel resentful, like, Man, I’m trying to help you. Why am I the one who keeps bugging you and nagging you to keep going? I thought you wanted to do this.

And how do you think they feel every time you call them or text them or remind them, Hey, how are you doing on that diet? And you know that they’re not even on that diet anymore. And you think you’re being helpful, but you’re not because they’re not actually trying to do what they say they wanted to do.

It’s a very ugly little cycle there. Someone you love tells you they want to do something. You jump in, both feet, try to help as best you can. They didn’t really want to do that in the first place for whatever reasons. And now they resent you for nagging them all the time, or they feel bad when they’re around you because you keep telling them that you were supposed to do these things that they never did.

And you, on the other hand, are completely frustrated because you keep trying to help them and they don’t want your help. No, they don’t.

So that’s how I learned this, right? Fitness, martial arts, any advice that I’ve ever given, particularly in my late teens or early twenties, was a big waste of time. That’s just the way it is. And I’m pretty sure you would agree that you’ve been in that situation too. Because you’re a nice person trying to be helpful.

Okay, so let’s break this down a little bit more specifically. Because I do believe that you can be inspirational to the people around you. The way you live your life, the way you treat people, your friends and family can see that and say, I really like what you’re doing over there. And then maybe secretly, or they say it, I want to be more like that. I want to participate in whatever it is you’re doing.

Maybe they even ask you a question. What are you doing? Now here we go. Here’s the interesting stage. When you move from inspiration to information, we are now calling them out to see if they’re serious or not, because I can’t motivate them to take action on the information.

All right, let me go through that again. First, people are inspired. Inspiration is cheap. It’s common. Every time I watch someone tap dancing, I think, I want to be a tap dancer. If I see somebody doing an amazing sax solo at some jazz club– all right, I haven’t been in a jazz club in a while. That was a weird one– I want to play saxophone.

Everybody seeing anybody who’s good at something and just thinks, Wow, I want to do that. That’s inspiration.

Inspiration is cheap. What’s very expensive and very uncommon is the motivation that comes after the inspiration to seek out the information that they can execute to actually achieve that goal that they had the idea for.

Are you with me on that? So in my mind, I would hate to ever be thought of as someone who’s motivational because I think that’s not true. On my best day, I would hope that maybe I could be inspirational. I make videos, the way I teach, the way I live.

Maybe someone would look at that and say, well, he seems like a nice guy. He seems sincere. He seems helpful. He seems knowledgeable. Great. Let that be the inspirational part.

If someone takes those first steps to sign up for that martial arts class, or they have a problem achieving the next step in their process, in their plan, and I have information that I can provide, that’s my next duty as a good citizen, as a good person.

If I can inspire you, great. If I can give you information to help you, fantastic. Even if I can help you execute on your plan and execute on that information, great, you know, no problem. However, in no way should you or me ever be fooled into trying to motivate someone to start that plan when you’re not looking. That to me is the test.

Let’s say, okay, I have this podcast. So some people I run into say, Oh, I want to do a podcast. Now, I fall into this trap all the time, even though I should listen to my own advice. I say, Okay, you want to do a podcast? Great. And I’ll start writing down some ideas. I’ll give them the links to the servers and how to set this stuff up. I try to encourage them. I inspire them. You can do it. Here’s my recommendations. Here’s my advice. Here’s what I’ve learned.

And then I catch myself. 20 minutes, 25 minutes later, I catch myself out of breath, sweating, excited. And I realize, Whoa, whoa, whoa, hold your horses here. They haven’t actually proven that they want to do this at all. They’ve just very cheaply said, Yeah, I want to do a podcast.

Okay, what I should do when someone says that to me, even if I love them, especially since I love them– Yeah, I really want to do a podcast— that’s awesome. I think that’s a great idea. You should do a podcast. I want to think about that. Great.

And that’s it. I’m supportive of the idea. I say that’s a great idea. You could do that. Go for it. What do you have to lose? But that’s it.

If the next day they text me, Hey, how do I start the podcast? Now I have some clue that they’re serious. They were motivated to ask me again about the podcasting. Or if they write to me and say, Hey, I just bought this course on podcasting and I ordered a mic on Amazon, can you help me figure this out? What’s the technical side of this? Now I’m all in.

They, on their own, took that first or second step to actually make what they thought of happen. Now you got me. I will give you 100%. I will jump to your aid. I will give you anything I got because I have found that most people don’t follow up on what they say they’re going to do. so when I do see someone who follows up, then I know my time, my energy, my enthusiasm is not being wasted. Now I can be as giving and as generous as I possibly can.

And I would recommend that you do the same. When someone tells you they want to write a book, lose weight, go to the gym, join a martial arts class, travel, say, Great, I would love that. That sounds like a wonderful idea. Then let it go. It may never come back. It’s likely that idea will never come up again. But if it does come up again, then you know, Okay, I’m ready to help you. And you will because you’re a nice person.

Now does that still sound harsh the way I’ve explained that? I don’t think so, right? Let me give you a quick example.

I knew a guy named Trevor. Trevor was a talented martial artist. And about 10 years ago– 10, 11 years ago– I was getting involved in Brazilian Jiu Jitsu. And Trevor was already into Brazilian Jiu Jitsu. Fantastic. So on his own, he called together some guys that he trusted that would be good training partners.

On his own, he found a facility where we didn’t have to pay any rent or anything. It was a cage in a gym, he said, let’s meet there. On his own, he put time aside and sent out the text invites to say, Hey, everybody come down. We’re going to do some BJJ together. On his own, he prepared lesson plans, so when we would get there, he would share, Here, today, we’re going to go over this choke and this escape, and we would have a lesson plan. Then he would roll with us and coach all for free, just giving it.

After one of those sessions, we were just talking about the day, and I said, you know, This class is going great. Thanks so much. It’s very generous of you. And he said, Yeah, yeah, I got a little more work to do. One of the guys wants me to write up some notes about what we covered today so he doesn’t forget it.

Aha. Do you see a problem here? I said, Hey, man, you’re already– you found the place, you formed the group, you’re already teaching, you’re already giving us everything you’ve got. And now this SOB is so lazy and so unmotivated, he wants you to also take his notes for him and provide them to him?

I encouraged him, I said, Please don’t do that. What are you, crazy? We’re already so in the hole and in debt to you, I can’t imagine you then sitting home trying to spoon feed everybody and hold their hand and bring them along. That’s going beyond what a teacher should be doing, all right?

So this advice works two ways, and I want you to think about that. This works two ways.

On the one hand, there is you as the helper, you as the teacher. When your friends, your family, or someone comes to you and they say, Hey, I want to do this, be stingy, all right? That sounds harsh, but remember what we’re talking about here. Be stingy about the motivation side of things.

Let them prove to you a little bit that they’re serious about achieving that goal. Once they do, then jump in, but if they don’t, stop. That’s for you. Save your time, save your energy, save your disappointment and your heartbreak. It’s just not worth it. Don’t ruin that relationship by becoming a nag or making them feel like, oh, you didn’t do what you said you were going to do and now they feel like a loser. No good.

The second part of this is to apply the same rule to yourself. Now, this one might get a little painful, so hang in here. I’ll bet you say you want to do a lot of things too. How often do you follow up on what you’re talking about?

Let’s say you’re the person who says, Oh, I really want to tap dance. It’s on my head right now because I’ve always wanted to tap dance. But at some point, have you ever looked up a class in your area? Have you ever asked someone who knows how to tap dance to show you something? Have you ever sat outside a dance school and said, Maybe tonight’s the night?

Have you ever looked up an instructional video on YouTube? Have you purchased tap shoes? Have you bought a book about it? Have you done anything? Let’s say you’ve been talking about tap dancing five years, ten years, twenty, thirty years. My friend, you’re never going to tap dance. Stop talking about tap dancing.

Now, that might sound harsh too. I’m no dream squasher. I’m not saying, Yeah, it’s too late for your dream of being a tap dancer, or a singer, or starting a business, or finding a new job, or losing weight. Of course, it’s not too late. You can start.

However, may I submit to you, exhibit A, the evidence of decades of neglect towards that dream. You haven’t done it by now. The odds are you’re not going to do it later. So spare yourself the heartache of disappointing yourself. This is not a waste.

Listen very carefully– you’re not giving up, you’re giving more.

I’m going to say that again. That came out nicely. You’re not giving up on your dreams. You’re giving more of your time, attention, and energy to the activities that you’re actually pursuing.

Let’s say you’re always thinking, Oh, I should tap dance. Oh, I should do this or that. But you never do. And you feel like a loser because you never do. When at the same time, there are things that you’re doing in your life. I can’t tell you what those are. But there are other things that you never have to be talked into. You just do automatically. You enjoy them.

Maybe you haven’t looked at them in that way where you say, this is actually something I love doing. It could be anything, of course. But once you give up all of that attention on chasing these ideas around and these things that you thought you’re so inspired to do, once you give those up, you can give more to the things you’re actually doing, right?

So again, this works two ways. The more that you give up helping your friends who are not helping themselves, the more you can give to the friends who are actually doing something. That’s a better use of your time. And I’m telling you, as you get older, this is the ultimate game.

How are you spending your time? How are you spending your energy and your resources? You want to be a smart investor. You want to give your advice and give your time and give your care and love to the people who can use it. It’s not that I’m being mean to the people who aren’t using it, it’s just doing something to protect yourself.

Plus, they should be more honest with themselves and be directed back to the things that they’re actually doing. When your friend says, I got this great idea, I want to start a rock band. You say, Great. Let me know when you sign up for music lessons. And they never do.Yeah, I really still want to start that rock band.

You know what, friend? Let me be honest with you. You’re probably not going to start that rock band because you haven’t done it by now. You’ve been talking about it for three years. So how about you go back to that crocheting? You seem to like that. You seem to like shooting guns. I don’t know. You seem to like baking cakes. Why don’t you go do more of that?

Eventually they’ll thank you because they will get farther along on that path than staring down these dead ends. They don’t go anywhere. And then apply the same to yourself. Starve those ideas that are sucking away your passion and your time and your enthusiasm and just redirect it back on, double down on the things that you’re actually doing. And don’t feel bad.

If you write me an email that says, Yeah, I’ve wanted to do martial arts for 20 years. I just still can’t get started. What advice can you give me? I’m already going to tell you right up front, stop talking about martial arts. You would have done it by now if you really wanted to do it. That’s what people who really want to do things, that’s what they do. They just do them.

Have I mentioned my watch yet? Did I mention this yet? Wearing a watch today. You see this watch? You see this watch? This watch cost more than my first car. Little GlenGarry reference for you people out there. Seriously, though, this watch did cost more than my first car.

My first car, I think, was about $750, $800. A lovely Buick station wagon. This watch listed over $800. So it was a gift. I didn’t buy that for myself. But let me tell you something about this watch. It’s a Movado.

Now are you familiar with the Movado brand? I’m a big fan because it’s a very simple dial. No numbers on it. Just a black face. I’ll put a little close up in here for you if you’re watching. But here’s why I love the Movado brand– and I’m not trying to get a free watch here, although if you happen to want to send me one, I’ll gladly accept.

The word Movado means always in motion. That to me is the link to motivation. Motivation comes from the word motive. Motive means like you’re moving. There’s motion in your life.

So the Movado, when I wear this watch, reminds me stay in motion. Always moving. Not just thinking about things. Oh, I’m inspired to do this. I’m inspired to do that. I got stars in my eyes. Great. Now, I need to find that motivation. Stay in motion on that idea to get the information I need so that I can then execute and actually achieve it.

Another cool thing about this watch, I’m sorry to obsess about the watch, but there’s another something cool symbolic about this watch aside from the name. It’s also self-winding. I didn’t even know that existed, so forgive me if this is old hat for you.

The watch doesn’t have any batteries in it, okay? Every time I move my wrist, the mechanisms inside keep the works wound up. So as long as I keep moving, the watch keeps moving. So think about this watch the way I do. Like this is your dream. This is your passion. This is what you’re always talking about doing.

If I stay in motion, this dream keeps working. It stays alive. If I stop moving, if I’m not motivated to keep executing on that dream, the watch dies. It stops moving.

Whoa. How’s that? So movado, always in motion. That’s one good reminder. Keep moving so it actually keeps ticking. That’s my second motivation. I just thought I’d throw that in there because how cool is that, right?

All right. Let’s wrap this up. I’ll bet you’re familiar with the old saying, You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make him drink. That’s 100% wrong. You can absolutely make a horse drink. For instance, you might leave him in the barn for three weeks with no water or food. I’m pretty sure when you open that barn door and you lead the horse out to the trough, he’ll drink just fine.

You could also take that horse, just grab him by the hair, shove his head into the water and start beating him until he drinks that water. You could absolutely make that horse drink. However, there’s a good chance you’re going to get hurt in the process. That’s what I want you to think about.

Can you make your friends, nag your friends to follow up on their dreams, to go after their goals? Maybe you can. Maybe you can just harass them so much with links and seminars and taking them by the hand and trying to run them through whatever obstacles they need to get through to get to their dreams. But there’s a good chance you’re going to get hurt in the process because they’re going to be dragging their feet. They’ll be sabotaging and fighting you the whole way.

The question is, if they don’t want to drink, why are you forcing them? Why are you trying to make this horse drink? If he doesn’t want the water, he doesn’t want the water. Okay.

Again, you’re not being harsh. You’re not being mean. You’re being careful. You’re being careful to protect your heart, to use your resources wisely, and to spend your time and energy on the people who deserve it. And you’re going to do the same thing with yourself.

You’re not going to beat yourself up every time you let go of a dream. That doesn’t make you a loser. It makes you smarter. It makes you more powerful now that you’re turning all of your time and attention on the couple of things that you actually like doing, the things you’re actually good at.

If you can find a way to manage your time, your energy, your enthusiasm, your love, so that it’s never wasted, but only invested in the people and the projects that are actually moving forward, then you, my friend, have stumbled into a way to live a happier, healthier, more successful life.

Okay, and that’s the show. Thanks so much for being here and hanging out a while. If you enjoyed this episode, I hope you’ll share it with a friend, or how about leaving a comment or review on whatever platform you’re on.

Until next time, smiles up, my friend. Let that smile be your shield and your sword. Keep fighting for a happy life.