#115: How to Be a Good Judge in Martial Arts and Life [Video + Podcast]

Welcome to Episode #115 of the Fight for a Happy Life podcast, “How to Be a Good Judge.”

Are you a good judge or a bad judge? In the martial arts (and in life!), I’ve definitely been both. But as I get older, I’d like to think I’m getting better at passing judgement.

Whether we’re talking about fighting styles, techniques, and training methodologies or art, food, and people, how can we be sure we’re making the right decisions? Is there a way to see the world clearly and avoid making mistakes?

In this episode, I’ll share some mistakes I’ve made as well as some strategies to maximize success in your training, career, and relationships.

Don’t get me wrong—I still make mistakes! But I’ve gotten better at swallowing my ego, making corrections, and moving forward towards my goals. So, if I can get closer to being a good judge, I believe you can , too!

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How to Be a Good Judge in Martial Arts and Life

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TRANSCRIPT

Hello and welcome to episode #115 of Fight for a Happy Life, the show that believes even a little martial arts makes life a whole lot better. My name is Ando here at Happy Life Martial Arts, and I am quite thankful to see you.

Today, I want to talk about judgment. They say, don’t judge a book by its cover. But is that good advice? Hmm.

In martial arts, there sure is a lot of judgment, isn’t there? That technique won’t work on the street. That style is ridiculous. That teacher is a fraud. That guy is a legend. That’s the best martial art there ever was.

We hear it all the time. I think I’d like to share a few thoughts on how I’ve navigated the world of judgment over the years, so that it might help your martial arts journey. And hopefully, maybe even your life. So let’s get started.

The reason I’m bringing up this topic is because over the Thanksgiving Day holiday, I had a chance to take some family to an art museum. My wife, my mother, and at the art museum, we came upon the Impressionism wing, and my mother is a fan of Impressionism. She was also a career art teacher, so I figured we’d be in there for a while.

As we went into the room, one of the first exhibits we saw were three Monet paintings, right next to each other. Now, I’ve seen Monet exhibits before, and I’ve got to tell you, I thought these were not his best work.

The first one was just looked like a sun and a rock, no big deal. The second one was some kind of landscape reflecting on a pond. And the third, actually, I couldn’t figure out what the heck it was. My wife thought maybe it was a horse drinking water, which would have been odd. I actually couldn’t tell what it was.

So I do know that Monet went blind towards the end of his career. So I just figured, you know, these were from that period, his blind period. And of course, because his name is on that painting, museums are happy to put these paintings up, whether they’re good or not. And these were just some of the not so good ones.

Okay, so I had my little judgment, and we moved on. Worked our way along the wall until we came about ten minutes later to the end of the hall opposite the three Monet paintings. And before we left that gallery, my mother said, hey, look back at the Monet.

I turned around, and it was as if three new paintings had been hung up. Suddenly, all three were just illuminated, as if there was sunshine coming from within each of the frames. It was striking.

The first one absolutely was like a sun setting behind a rock. The second one was like this mirrored effect of this lovely landscape on the water. And the third one now did reveal itself to be a plant in water. They were just marvelous.

Now, I’m not going to say there was greatest works, but they had changed so much. Within ten minutes, just by standing at a different place in the room, my judgment changed from these are garbage to these are masterfully done.

Now, that made me a little nervous, because how can you not think immediately, man…

…how many times in my life have I looked at something, passed judgment, and then moved on, never looking back again? How many times was I just dead wrong about my first assessment?

So the advice, in case you have to go, and you can’t make the rest of this, the big message today is take a second look. Don’t just say, I got this, and move on.

It’s a fast-paced culture, or maybe just we’ve always been fast-paced creatures. We like moving forward, we like moving fast and furiously. There’s a fear of missing out. If I don’t keep up with the pack, I’m going to fall behind.

So I just got to keep taking in new information and keep going, which means I have to judge quickly. But that doesn’t always mean I’m accurate.

How many times have you said or do you hear people say, oh yeah, been there, done that. I’ve been to Paris, been there, done that. Oh yeah, I took Aikido, been there, done that.

I know it. I got it all. I got everything I need to know.

But did you?

Did you really pass a fair judgment? Did you have the full experience? Did you take a second look?

In martial arts, I’m just as guilty as anyone of passing judgments and then maybe not wanting to look back because I got to get on to the new thing. In my style of Kung Fu, many, many times, I was shown by a teacher a “fancy” technique. And while they’re showing this technique, oh, we’re going to start on the ground and kick up and then you’re going to roll over and grab this and strike this.

And I’m thinking, there is no way, there is no conceivable scenario I would ever do this. Why would I do that technique? That’s crazy.

But then we would do a multiple attacker drill or we’d introduce a weapon or some limitation, you know, broken arm, something. And suddenly I would find a similar movement or maybe the exact movement coming out of my body. Suddenly the context had changed and that move wasn’t so fancy. It became the only thing I could do.

This happens all the time for me nowadays in Brazilian Jiu Jitsu. I’d say overall Brazilian Jiu Jitsu has changed over the years and maybe in the old school version, you didn’t have to be quite as athletic to pull off all the techniques that are going on. But I think it’s gotten a lot more athletic. If you want to do all the inversions and rolling attacks, it requires a slightly more useful and agile body, I would say.

So again, when I go to class and the professor starts to show some technique, well, you grab this fancy grip and you feed it through here, then you flip over there, then you’ve got to invert and roll around to this side, and out of respect, I will practice the technique and I’ll try, but my brain is saying, no way.

But then same thing, we start to roll, get tired, my tricks aren’t working, they start stacking me up, put pressure on, and my body just turns away. That’s very similar to what was shown. And I see where the technique was born. I get it. I go, oh, that’s how that happened.

So I’m just fascinated as I’ve gotten older how no way can become okay. And I’m sure you have your own examples of that.

Of course, I’m not just talking about martial arts here, I’m talking about judgments you’ve made in all areas of your life. Let me give you an example from my life.

Do you like falafels? Growing up in Buffalo to the age of 23, I’d never had a falafel, never heard of a falafel. When I moved to Los Angeles, not only do they have falafels, I found an article when we moved there that said, the top 20 falafels in Los Angeles. It just blew my mind.

Well, what is this thing? So we drove out and I found a falafel, and I hated it. My judgment was, this is fully awful. That was my little joke. Falafels are fully awful.

A couple years went by, and the opportunity came up to try falafels again. And it was a different experience. A different kind of falafel. Different spices, different size, different texture. And I loved it. I thought, oh, now that’s pretty good.

Nowadays, I’ve eaten falafels all over the place. Now I’m fussy. I’m a connoisseur of falafels. There’s a certain coarseness that I like. There’s a certain spice blend that I like. There’s a certain texture that I like. My judgment has changed over time.

The same, of course, goes with people. How many times have you met someone that you didn’t really hit it off with at first, but over time, you start to respect their manner. You start to respect their work ethic. And you start to change your opinion of them.

And, of course, on the other hand, people that make a fantastic first impression. Boy, what a friendly guy. Boy, they were so helpful. But then over time, you find that they’re very manipulative. And they’re actually kind of toxic. You need to get away from them. This happens.

Our first judgments, our first impressions are often dead wrong.

And, of course, from a teaching standpoint, can you think back to a time when you had a teacher who was hard on you? And over time, you realized you didn’t hate them. You actually loved them for the fact that they held you to a standard and they saw more in you than maybe you saw in yourself. They were a tough love teacher.

I just think it’s amazing how many times I’ve been wrong. And the older I get, the more I find that I was wrong. And perhaps you have found the same.

So, back to don’t judge a book by its cover. Is that good advice? No, of course not. We must judge. As a matter of fact, even in the context of books, you should judge a book by its cover. That publisher and the author and the artist purposely put together that cover so that you could judge it.

Oh, that’s a cookbook. Oh, that’s a romance novel. Oh, that’s a technical book on some software program. You need to know what’s in the book based on the cover.

So, yes, judge. How did you get into martial arts in the first place? At some point, you had to judge you wanted to do martial arts as opposed to a different activity. Then you had to judge the art that you wanted to take.

Judge the school and judge the teacher. Judge your training partners. Judge your training routine.

And then, of course, outside of that, you have to judge your spouse or your partner. You’re going to judge what kind of business you go into. Judge your career path. Judge your job and your coworkers.

This is all part of life. We have to judge.

So, yes, judge a book by its cover.

But recognize that that is a first judgment. That’s a first impression. It cannot be final. As we get older, we realize the first judgment is not the final judgment.

What’s the second judgment? Well, you judge that book by its cover, you like the cover, so you bought the book. Now you have to read it.

You found a person, they seem very charming, now you get to know them. So you write them an email, you go out to dinner, you get to know them better, you spend time with them. Now we’re reading them.

All through life, you’re going to find that your impressions change as your relationship deepens. The more you know, the better able you are to pass a judgment. And often there’s a surprise. Sometimes not, but often there’s a surprise. So be open to it.

But wait, there’s more. I’m still not done. The first impression isn’t final. Taking a look back to that second impression, that second judgment, is also not final. Because something funny happens…

We get older. We gain more experience. We recognize different patterns. Our perspective changes.

So now, that book that you thought was so wise and incredible when you were 20, seems really sophomoric and kind of trite when you’re 50. Things change.

That movie that you thought was so funny when you were 30, when you’re 50, I don’t really want to watch it again. It’s not funny anymore.

When you’re younger, you might have gone into that art museum, looked at a painting and said, I like the colors or I don’t like the colors. And that was the basis of your judgment.

As you get older, you start to maybe get a little art history. You find out there’s a political meaning behind that painting or religious significance.

Or you learn more about the artist and you realize what struggles he was going through at that time in his life. And you start to see what he was trying to express or she was trying to express. And now suddenly, you’re not just looking at the painting. You’re looking at the person behind that painting. That leads to a very different judgment in most cases.

So the advice here is don’t become a prisoner to your first judgment.

Don’t become a prisoner to your first judment, second judgment, or any judgment. Because you’re changing.

In the martial arts, specifically, I can think when you’re young, maybe you’re exposed to Tai Chi. Now I’ll say right off the bat, I’m going to talk about the stereotype of Tai Chi. Some Tai Chi can be explosive and can move just as quickly, and just some of their training is slow. But let’s go with the stereotype that all Tai Chi is slow and soft.

So maybe as a youngster, young martial artist, you see some people practicing in the park and then moving in slow motion, and you think, what in the world is that? That doesn’t look like a fight. Nobody moves in slow motion. Tai Chi is stupid. Case closed. Judgment passed.

But then let’s say you’re in your late 20s, you’re in your 30s, and you get an injury, and you can’t work at that same dynamic or explosive level that you were in whatever art you’ve been in. Whatever that could be. BJJ, taekwondo, kickboxing, whatever. And suddenly that Tai Chi, you take another look at it.

Take that second look and you say, well, you know, maybe if I slow down a little bit, I can still work on my legs. Or maybe if I just slow down, I can work on my breathing and do a little body connection work here.

Maybe if I do a little visualization with the movements that I already know and just slow down, I can learn a little bit more about them. See how my alignment is changing. See how my weight is shifting. Break your techniques down a way you have never done it before.

Certainly, then, maybe as you grow older, now you’re 70 or older, and now for sure you start to see more value and like, gee, I’m glad I experimented with that Tai Chi back in my 30s because now I might even give up what I used to do in my 20s and just practice in this slower methodology. I have enough experience with the other stuff. Let me dive deeper into this methodology.

Now along that way, maybe you go back to your original art, maybe you switch arts, maybe you create a hybrid of your own. It’s all good, but the point is it changed over time because you allowed yourself to change your judgment. You took a second look, a third look. As you changed, you allowed your judgment to change.

The opposite, I warn you, because I get this email all the time, hey, I train in this such-and-such a style, hard-hitting, I’m injured, and now I’ve had to take off six months, or gee, it’s going to be a while before I can get back to it. What should I do? And you can just tell that they’ve already not considered anything outside of what they do.

I can’t do what I normally do, therefore I have to stop training. And that’s a sad situation to put yourself in. And let me say, you put yourself into it, because you didn’t allow yourself a review, a second look at all the things that you threw out and thought were worthless.

Especially when life forces you to take a second look, take that opportunity, open your mind again, and see if what was so stupid 10 years ago, or even a month ago, suddenly now is worth a try and makes sense. I think you’ll be surprised more often than not.

Of course, another famous quote about judgment comes from the Bible. In the Bible, we get the quote, Judge not, lest ye be judged. Does this mean we should not judge ever?

I don’t think so, because as I said, we have to judge which food is rotten and which food is healthy. What kind of people should I be spending my time with and which people should I not be spending my time with?

We have to judge. Judgment is a survival mechanism.

But when they say, Judge not, lest ye be judged, perhaps there’s a warning in there. The warning is, don’t go around judging other people by different standards than you judge yourself, because that’s not fair.

You can’t go around saying, well, if I make a mistake, if I do something that’s perceived as evil, or wrong, or mean-spirited, I can justify that. I have reasons for it. You don’t understand where I’m coming from.

So you want to allow yourself that margin of error, but if someone else does something mean-spirited on the surface or seemingly evil, you don’t have that same understanding. You don’t allow them to justify it. You don’t allow them a way to explain themselves. You just say, no, you’re evil.

I have excuses. You’re just evil. So I think that’s what that quote’s all about. Apply the same standard to yourself as you would apply to anyone else.

My advice on that would be to make sure that when you’re judging yourself or others, you do it with a sense of fairness. You do it with as little bias as possible.

And being in the Bible, I think it also means to judge with some kindness, some compassion in your heart, because that opens up the door to some understanding. It doesn’t mean that anything someone does is okay or that you don’t have to put some evil actions down and then maybe later come back and say, okay, what’s going on here?

Of course, self-defense means I have to judge that you’re doing something wrong and I’m going to stop you. But I don’t have to have contempt in my heart to do that. I just need to get that job done, protect myself, protect my loved ones, protect the common good. And then let’s see if there’s room for compassion here, and maybe I can understand where you’re coming from.

So, fairly and kindly and with some understanding, let me ask you, how would you say you do judge yourself? Do you feel that you judge yourself fairly and kindly? Because it’s also true you could be very harsh to yourself, very critical and unforgiving.

You might make a mistake and it absolutely crushes you. I hope not. I hope you can lighten up a little bit. Because if you’re harsh on yourself, that is a surefire way to kill your goals. You think you’re not worthy, you think you can’t do it. It will kill your dreams if you’re too harsh.

As opposed to a healthy sense of self-criticism, where you recognize where you could have done something better or differently. And you allow yourself a little sense of forgiveness. You allow yourself to make a mistake.

You make the correction, you make the correction, you encourage yourself to try better next time, and you move forward with your life. So I hope that’s how you judge yourself.

Second question would be, how do you judge others? And do you judge others the same way that you judge yourself? Do these go together?

You can absolutely be harsh on other people, which kills relationships. When you judge someone as, oh, they’re evil, I hate that person, you’ve just closed the door to ever building a relationship with them. And maybe you could have helped each other in some way.

Or maybe you closed the door on someone today, and you don’t realize that three years from now, five years from now, they’ve gone through a transformation. And if you don’t allow them that chance to express that, or to take a second look and say, are they still the same? You might be missing out.

I’m not saying that you should go around giving people who have wronged you another chance to wrong you. No, I’m all about self-defense. Protect yourself.

I’m just saying, every time you close that door, if you have the time and the space in your heart, sometimes it’s worth a second look to see if anything’s changed. Just a thought.

So I hope that you can forgive some mistakes that you make, and I hope that you can find some allowance to make allowances for other people to make mistakes. Recognize that they’re also learning, they’re also growing, and it’s not always from a place of evil. Sometimes it was just bad judgment.

You’ve made bad judgments. You’ve changed your judgments. Maybe they would have done that differently if they had another chance. Or maybe if you ran into them next week, they would have taken another path.

So we’re all out here learning and growing together, hopefully. I can definitely tell you if you try to compare Teenage Ando to 50-year-old Ando, these are two different guys. Sure, there’s some things in common, but there are some stark differences as well.

And if you judged me only by my behavior as a teenager, ooh, maybe you wouldn’t talk to me again. Maybe you wouldn’t like that guy and never give me another chance. And then, oh, you wouldn’t have been able to watch this great video. So, do the same for yourself.

Don’t hold yourself today accountable for everything you did back when you were a teenager or 20s or yesterday.

The mistakes that you made in your past were based on the information that you had at the time. You’ve got to believe that you made the best judgment you could at that time. But today is different.

So, give yourself the freedom to make a new decision and pass a new judgment. I think that’s the healthy way to go.

Overall, the piece of advice here, as we’re getting near the end, is to try and make your first judgment humble, not hardcore. When you’re judging, when you’re figuring out what you like and what you don’t like, come at it with some sense of humility, knowing that your opinion might change over time. The older we get, I think the easier that is to do.

When you’re younger, it’s easier to just come in hardcore, like, that’s garbage, that’s your diet. No, that’s wrong. Science says this, da da da.

That’s your religion? That’s wrong. I’ve got the right way.

I know. Passion makes it hard to change your position down the road. The harder you come in with that first impression, with that first judgment, the more invested you get into it, the more your identity is connected to it, the more you become a prisoner of what you’ve been preaching. And that’s no good.

That becomes an egotistical activity, instead of just living life and trying to judge things in the moment fairly and kindly.

In the world of martial arts, I’ve met people who would say, don’t weight lift. Are you into weight lifting? I know some teachers say, weight lifting–don’t do that. It’ll slow you down. It’ll make you too bulky. You’ll be tight. You should be practicing your techniques, not lifting weights.

But then let’s say that same martial artist who’s been preaching that for decades turns 55. They have an injury, and their physical therapist says, you need to lift weights. You know, we need to improve your bone density. I need more stability in this joint. This is going to benefit you a lot. You need to lift weights for your well-being.

Now, if you’ve been so hardcore against weight lifting your whole life, that remedy is going to be really hard for you to accept. Like, what? Weight lift? I can’t let my students see me weight lifting. I’ve told them for decades, don’t lift weights. What do you mean I need to lift weights?

The more hardcore you are in your beliefs and the more hardcore you are in your preaching of those beliefs, when life changes, when you change, it’s just harder to adapt. It’s harder to move forward. It’s harder to find a new way.

So don’t do that to yourself. I know even just for me, since we’re mentioning weight lifting, when I was a teenager, weight lifting? Yes! I wanted to be bigger and stronger. Absolutely.

By the time I got to my late 20s and early 30s, it was taking a lot of time. I didn’t feel comfortable eating that much, but I was still in martial arts, so I felt, well, yeah, I’ll still lift weights, but not to get bigger. It’ll just be to stay in shape and stay strong.

As I got into my 40s, I had some injuries, time is short. I figured, you know, my training time is really special. I think these weights are actually restricting me and just cause for injury. I’m just going to switch to bodyweight exercises, calisthenics, animal movements, natural movements. So no weights. Cancel the gym membership.

Now I’m in my 50s. And guess what? Just bought some new dumbbells. I just felt the need. I just felt weak and disconnected. I felt like I needed that pressure back on my skeleton to feel strong and to feel full again.

So I’ve been all over the weightlifting spectrum. Absolutely yes, to absolutely no, and a couple of times, well, a little bit in the middle. So I’m very proud of myself for never having been so hardcore that I was telling other people, yes, weights or no weights.

It’s up to you. Who are you? What do you want? What do you need? What can you handle? That’s where your judgment should come from.

Hardcore, if you’re hardcore, that’s like saying, I’ve made a judgment and it’s forever. Case closed. If you’re humble, your humility says, I’ve made a judgment for today. This case is subject to review.

Judgments may change in the future, because who am I going to be in the future? What am I going to want in the future? What do I need in the future? I don’t know. Do you?

So be careful with those judgments. So at this point, my friend, let me say, go forth and judge freely. Judge yourself, judge others, judge everything. Just remember that the decisions and the judgments that you make today may change tomorrow. That’s the way it is.

So give yourself the freedom to learn and to grow. Give yourself that freedom to change. Be fair, be kind and be forgiving. I think that is an important formula for a happy life.

Hey, you’re still here! Therefore, I judge you as being very cool. Truly, I am honored every time that our paths cross, and I look forward to it happening again.

Until next time, smiles up, my friend. Let that smile be your shield and your sword. Keep fighting for a happy life.