#94: Don’t Be Water, My Friend [Video + Podcast]

Welcome to Episode #94 of the Fight for a Happy Life podcast, “Don’t Be Water, My Friend.”

We’ve all heard Bruce Lee say, “Boards don’t hit back.” You probably also remember his admonishment, “Don’t think–feel.”

No doubt about it… Bruce Lee was full of good advice. But that doesn’t mean I agree with everything he said!

In this episode, I will turn a critical eye towards one of his most famous pieces of advice: “Be water, my friend.” Sure, it sounds cool, but I fear this idea is easily misunderstood and will actually limit your development as a martial artist… and human being!

Join me for some good-humored analysis of the legend’s words… and a few words of advice my own.

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Don’t Be Water, My Friend

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TRANSCRIPT

Howdy, and welcome to episode #94 of Fight for a Happy Life, the show that believes even a little martial arts makes life a whole lot better. My name is Ando, I’ll be your host today. So come on in, have a piece of pie, cup of coffee, let’s talk.

And what are we talking about today? Well, I’ve got a rant for you. This is going to be a rant on a very famous quote by Bruce Lee. You know the quote. It’s the one where he says, Be water, my friend. You’ve heard that, right?

Now, my critique of this quote might just come off as a semantics argument. Fair enough. But even if you think this whole rant is a little silly, a little misguided, I do think there’s a serious point still to be made. And I think that’ll be worth your time. So bear with me.

Let me say right up front, I’m a fan of Bruce Lee, okay? I’ve talked about in other episodes how Bruce Lee got me started in martial arts as a way to improve my life. So for sure, there was a period where Bruce was the guy. I was following his lead.

I even did a podcast about him, right? If you go back to episode number 19, I have an episode called Seven Lessons from Bruce Lee. So there’s a lot more hero worship talk over there.

All that said, I’ve got a big problem with this quote. Be water, my friend. I think the quote is misleading. I also think that he didn’t mean to really say it. I do not believe that he believed the meaning of that quote, at least the way I think people interpret it nowadays. I think if he understood how people are using that quote, he would say, No, no, no, that’s not what I meant. Forget I said that. Just forget it. So, since he’s not here, let me clear it up.

The quote that you’ve probably seen came from that black and white interview. It was on the Pierre Burton Show back in 1971. Now, what you may not know, if you haven’t seen the whole interview, is that Bruce wasn’t just saying this for the first time off the top of his head. Actually, Pierre was asking him to repeat something that he had said when he was on the TV show Longstreet. Bruce had made a guest appearance on the show, and that’s actually where the quote came from.

So Pierre asked him, Hey, can you repeat that cool quote from that show? And in the clip, the black and white clip that maybe you’ve seen, Bruce has to drop his head for a second to remember it. So he says, Yeah, yeah, I remember. Yeah, I got it. And then he starts the quote.

Now, he actually doesn’t say it exactly the same way that he said it in the show. For the sake of what I’m going to be talking about, it’s the same. But I am going to give you the original one from the Long Street episode, because I think it’s actually a little better. It was a little fuller. But it’s the same point. So here it was. And no, I’m not going to do it in imitation of Bruce Lee. I’m not. I just won’t. Not on camera. OK, here was the quote.

Empty your mind. Be formless, shapeless, like water. Now, you put water into a cup, it becomes the cup. Put it into a teapot, it becomes the teapot. Now water can flow or creep or drip or crash. Be water, my friend.

Cool, right? No, no, that’s my point. We’re going to get to it. Right off the bat, are these really even his words? Bruce said that he liked being on that Longstreet show because he basically got to just play himself. So you’d think, oh, then he’s just saying whatever he wants to say. Well, that’s not how TV works. There is a writer on the show. His name was Sterling Silliphant.

Now, are those Sterling’s words or Bruce’s words? Interesting fact, Sterling was a student of Bruce’s. So who’s to say? Bruce’s words through the mouthpiece of Sterling and then spoken by Bruce. I’m still going to attribute it to Bruce.

Now, let me give you my small problems right off the bat with this Be water, my friend idea. Small problems. First of all, okay, so water can flow and it can crash, but he doesn’t say that water can freeze. Water can just stop. No life. Dead.

Another problem. He doesn’t tell you that water can lie stagnant. It can become a swamp. It can become filthy, rife with dirt and disease.

He doesn’t tell you that water always follows the path of least resistance. It takes shortcuts. It takes the easy way out.

He also doesn’t say that water takes orders. It has no mind of its own. Gravity tells it what to do. Gravity will pull it, zig and zag it, wherever gravity wants it to go. Water has no say in it.

So are you sure you still want to be like water? Frozen, filthy, no mind of your own, taking orders?

No, no, no, I don’t. Now, those are small problems. Let me get to a big problem now. One of the big problems here is that he starts this off by saying, Empty your mind. All right. Bruce was good at emptying his mind. That’s fair.

He was open minded, looking at different styles, trying not to copy anybody, doing his own thing. So he did empty his mind. But not forever. He filled that mind. He was not formless. Bruce was not shapeless. That’s just, that’s just crazy.

He did not believe in becoming a cup. He personally did not become a teapot. He worked his whole life on just becoming himself. This is the critical point that I’m going to try to make today. It’s the opposite of saying be water.

Bruce didn’t live like anyone else. He was an icon. So, he lived famously because he was his own man. He did things his own way. So, let me give you an example.

Bruce studied Wing Chun as a younger man. Right? We all know that. But he did not become Wing Chun, did he? He left it. He criticized it. He changed it. He came up with his own style of modified Wing Chun. So, he did not become a teapot there. Far from it.

He also didn’t believe in styles. He didn’t believe, like I just said, copying other people. He did not conform. He did not follow along. He only believed in discovering himself and what he could do and what he could create.

He didn’t even believe in identifying himself when he was asked. He didn’t identify himself as Chinese or American. He just said, I’m a human being. Cool, right?

Now let me give you my biggest problem with the quote. Got some small problems, a big problem. Now here’s the biggest problem. Another idea that we all think about when we talk about Bruce Lee is the idea that his way was “the way of no way”. No way as the way. And that’s okay in the beginning when you start to learn something. You empty that cup and you have no way.

However, are you telling me that Bruce Lee didn’t have a way? Absolutely not. Again, his legacy is that he did create his way, the Bruce Lee way. He lived his life very much uniquely. He made choices of his own. He was not taking orders. So it’s really important to remember that.

This “no way as the way” is a temporary situation. You’re not supposed to live with no way. You’re not supposed to live your whole life with an empty mind. Never making choices, never choosing a direction, never moving forward, just floating around where life takes you. That’s not how Bruce lived.

But if you think about being like water, you might end up living like that. And that’s where I think he would say, no, no, no, that’s not what I meant. Does that make sense?

So that brings up that idea that, You’ve got to stand for something, or you’ll fall for anything. The way of no way means you’ll fall for anything. You’ll follow anywhere.

No, at some point, you have to make a stand. Bruce did. Bruce stood for himself. He wasn’t a teapot, he wasn’t a bottle or a cup. Bruce formed himself into Bruce Lee. He shaped himself into a better and better version of Bruce Lee. That was his way. That’s why we’re talking about him right now. Or at least you know who I’m talking about.

He became an icon, a legend, because he wasn’t following along.

Now, of course, once someone like Bruce Lee comes along, who’s made all these strong decisions and shows how he’s living his life, people want to copy him. He became the teapot. And I’m sure you know people who kind of poured themselves into that teapot. And they changed their name to being Bruce, or they wear their hair like Bruce, or they move like Bruce. And they all missed the point.

They got a little too far into that hero worship stuff. They didn’t grow out of it. They didn’t understand his big message. And keep in mind, he was only 32, I believe, when he died. So he was able to forge such a unique path through life and create such an image that people would want to copy him in a very short period of time.

So he outgrew the idea of having no way and having an empty mind really early in his life. And then look how far he was able to take that. Very impressive.

Okay, so as you can tell, the key phrase here that I’m critical of is the idea of being water. Now, of course, you can’t literally be water. And in fairness to the full quote, he starts it off by saying, “like water”. Be formless, shapeless– like water. By the end of the quote, he says, Be water, my friend.

So if we step back from be water, and now we soften it a little bit to say, well, be like water, well, that’s cool. That opens the door to a little more freedom. Okay, maybe you are a thinker, and you do start to choose your own direction. I’m like water, but I’m not water. So I think that’s a better quote.

If you’re going to go around saying Be water, my friend, I think it would be better at least to say, Be like water, my friend. That’s one step better. Still not perfect, though. We’ll get there, but still not perfect. Here’s why.

When I was thinking about the whole quote of being water or being like water, I immediately remembered that old ad campaign. Maybe you’re old enough to remember it too. In the early 90s, Gatorade had an ad campaign all around Michael Jordan– based on the cult, the legend of Michael Jordan. It was, “I wanna be like Mike”. That was the campaign.

Now, again, to be clear, it wasn’t “I wanna be Mike”. It was, I wanna be like Mike. And frankly, I still think that was creepy. And I have some evidence for that. I’ve got the lyrics here. I looked up the lyrics to the theme, the little jingle that went with the commercials. They were written by Bernie Pitzel. He was the ad guy, I believe, who sparked the whole campaign. But listen to these lyrics.

Sometimes I dream that he is me.
You’ve got to see that’s how I dream to be for just one day.
If I could be that way, I dream, I move.
I dream I groove like Mike.
If I could be like Mike, I want to be, I want to be like Mike.
Oh, if I could be like Mike.

Yikes! You’re telling me that’s not a little creepy? Of course it is. But again, when someone is an icon, when someone cuts their own shape into this world, it creates people who want to become like that. The people who are water pour themselves into this mold that’s been created, whether it’s Bruce or whether it’s Michael Jordan.

In the case of Michael Jordan, look at the Air Jordan, the sneaker. How many people bought a sneaker thinking maybe they could be like Mike if they wore that sneaker or drank the Gatorade? Do you think that it helped them play basketball? Maybe there was a placebo effect where in their head they thought, Hey, I’m a little more confident now. I’ve got moves.

But I’ll bet you those same people stuck their tongue out when they went driving to the hoop. I don’t really think it helps anybody, right? Trying to be like somebody. Not good.

Now, of course, again, I think this has to do with what stage of development you’re in as a human being and as a student of something. When I was younger, I was a drummer. I played drums for many years. And Phil Collins is one of my early heroes. And I absolutely admit to seeing him at a concert and he was wearing a bracelet. It looked like an ID bracelet.

So what did I do? I went out and I bought an ID bracelet. I thought, Fantastic. Now I’m like Phil Collins. Surely this makes me a better drummer.

Bruce Lee. I’ll go back to Bruce Lee. He was my first influence as a martial artist. I saw him in the movies wearing one of those cool Chinese style jackets with the ties down the front, the big white cuffs. So guess what Ando was wearing in the garage once or twice or more times. Yeah, I went out and I got the whole kung fu uniform.

Nobody could see me in it. It was just me in the dark in my garage, hitting a bag. But for some reason that made me like Bruce. Another step closer, mistaking the point, there I was pouring myself into the Bruce teapot.

But again, I think this is all about development. I believe as a student, as a human being, you have a childhood, you have an adolescence, and you have adulthood.

Childhood would mean, I want to be Bruce Lee. Adolescence would be, I want to be like Bruce Lee. Adulthood means, I just want to be me. I don’t want to be Bruce Lee. I want to be me.

Now, you can’t rush this process, so maybe I’m being a little overly critical. Childhood, when you’re born, let’s just talk about growing up as a human being in this world. As a child, you have no options. You have no choice who your parents are or where you’re being raised. You are mindlessly absorbing information. So of course, you’re going to learn by copying and by mimicking.

At this stage, hero worship makes a lot of sense. When I was a little kid, I wanted to be Superman. Not be like Superman, be Superman. Maybe you want to be like your parent. I want to be like my mom. I want to be my dad. Like literally. Because that’s all you know. All I can do is copy.

But then you grow a little older. I can’t tell you what age that would be for you, but let’s say by the age of 10, 11, you start becoming more self-aware. And now you do have a choice over who you want to follow. So I think you move from hero worship to an era of role modeling.

You get to pick who’s wearing clothes that you think are cool. Who is taking actions that you would like to emulate. Who’s living a life that you would like to follow in the steps of. Now you’re allowed to choose your influences.

Now you get picking role models. So you have a poster of someone on your wall. Or you may get a tattoo of their name on your wrist. You wear a bracelet that reminds you of that person. Just to keep you motivated, just to keep you inspired. Just to have some link in the world with something outside of yourself that can pull you out of only being stuck at home and only seeing maybe your mom and your dad. And stepping outside, and that’s like a bridge.

You’re in this adolescent stage of influence. Where you’re choosing where you want to go. Super important. But we can’t get stuck there.

The final stage would be adulthood. In adulthood, I’m not copying anymore. It should all be about creating. You are creating your own shape, your own form. I can always respect where I came from, respect my heroes, respect the role models. But at the end of the day now, the project is becoming myself. I have to be my own hero. I have to be my own role model.

This whole process calls to mind another famous quote, usually attributed to a poet, Matsuo Basho. But I do believe there are earlier records of this quote being used. So anyway, forget I mentioned any of that. But the quote you’ll know, Do not seek to follow in the footsteps of the masters. Seek what they sought.

That’s the dividing line right there between adolescence and adulthood as a student, as a human being. Taking away the bridge, you’ve made it to the other side, you got out of your house, you’re not copying anymore, you pointed yourself in a direction to say I want to go over there, follow that role model, you followed in their footsteps to get you across that river of adolescence, and now that you’re on the other side.

You don’t have to look back. You can let the bridge burn down. You don’t need it anymore. You made it to the other side. Now you’re going to create your own path.

So that’s how I take that to mean, you’re not following the footsteps anymore. Now I’m seeking what everyone was looking for in the first place. Wisdom, happiness, confidence, comfort, security. That’s the project.

Now, the problem at that stage, and the reason some people get stuck in that adolescent stage, is that it’s so hard. It’s very difficult to search on your own. It’s very difficult to have faith in things that you’re discovering. It’s very difficult to feel confident in what you’ve created. That’s natural.

I think we all seek validation. We need someone there to say, You’re on the right track. I like what you’re doing. Good job. Keep going in that direction. That’s what friends are for. That’s what a good teacher is for. The teacher’s not there to say, Get behind me and follow. The teacher’s next to you or behind you saying, Good job. Yeah, keep going. You’re going in the right direction. I like what you’re doing.

Bruce, by the way, in the same interview where the water quote came from, says this exact same thing. He says, Ultimately, martial art means honestly expressing yourself. And then he goes on to say, To express oneself honestly, not lying to oneself, that, my friend, is very hard to do.

Now, I really need you to think about this for a moment, because it’s the whole point of this rant. Isn’t that advice right there, that ultimately the goal of your training is to express yourself honestly, not lying to yourself, isn’t that the exact opposite advice than be water?

On the one hand, he’s saying, Hey, be shapeless, be formless. But now he’s saying, Take your own shape. Be honest with yourself. Be who you are. It’s the exact opposite. In the water quote, he says, Empty your mind. Now he’s saying, Fill your mind.

Over there, he’s saying, Become the tea pot. Now he’s saying, Become you. And I think that’s the stronger message.

Based on how he lived his life, that is the pure advice from Bruce Lee, not the water stuff. That water stuff is basically talking to someone in childhood. You’re saying to this little baby, Hey, you see how I’m walking? Follow me. Do it that way. You hear these words I’m using? Copy my words. Copy these sounds. Empty your mind.

Thankfully, most babies have empty minds. Right? Blank slates. So they will willingly go and conform and follow. But that’s it. That’s childhood. We must get past that. Bruce did. And in that part of the quote, he makes that very clear. He says, look, this is a more difficult journey. But ultimately, that’s the goal. To express yourself honestly.

Am I wrong? Am I crazy? Let me know.

Now, based on the fact that this is a very difficult project– to be yourself. To be honest with yourself– a lot of people will give up on it. Because it is easier. You do feel more security when you’re doing something someone else has done before you. When you fit into the club. When you just follow the rules. When you don’t have to think for yourself or go out on your own, or fail more often by experimenting with things.

I get it. And we all do that on some level. Myself included. But here’s my thought that I’d like you to think about a little bit. Here’s the idea.

I personally, would rather live a life where I was successful being myself at a 40% 50% level than trying to be like someone else and being successful at an 80 or 90% level.

I would rather die on that hill of heading in the direction of being myself than dying over here on someone else’s hill trying to be like them. And consider, it is literally impossible for you to be 100% like someone else. Whether it’s Michael Jordan or Bruce Lee, you are not Bruce Lee, you can never be Bruce Lee. You cannot be anybody else.

No matter what you do, no matter how bad you want it, no matter how much you dream and work, that’s impossible. So if you’re trying to be someone else, you will fail. But there is a chance that you can be 100% an honest version of yourself. That’s possible.

So right off the bat, if you’re choosing goals, this goal of being someone else 100% is impossible. This other goal of being myself 100% is possible. Well, right off the bat, when you hit that fork in the road, head towards being yourself. And then understand that it’s a more difficult journey, but even if you only get 20 or 30% down that path, it’s much better than being 60 or 70% successful on the other path.

I think there’s more happiness the other way, in the way of being yourself, I think there’s more fulfillment, I think it’s more fun. But I leave that to you to decide. So let me just wrap this up.

My main point has been made, and here it is one more time. Don’t be Mike. Don’t be Bruce. Don’t be like Mike. Don’t be like Bruce. Be you.

Don’t be formless. Don’t be shapeless. Be you.

Don’t become a cup. Don’t become a teapot. Become an honest version of yourself.

How do you do that? Don’t dream and don’t copy. Seek.

Don’t follow the path of least resistance. Work. Don’t settle. Don’t stagnate. And don’t freeze.

Don’t be water. Be you, my friend.

All right, I hope you enjoyed that little rant. I sure did. Now it’s up to you. Go out there and make your own way.

Until I see you next time, smiles up, my friend. Let that smile be your shield and your sword. Keep fighting for a happy life.